As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing.
What factors contribute to job satisfaction?
How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?
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People spend a significantly huge (딱 집어서 구어라고 할 수 있는 표현은 아닙니다만, 그래도 어느정도 그쪽에 쏠리기 때문에 가급적이면 사용하지 않는 것이 좋습니다. 어린뿔님의 어휘력을 고려하면 지금보다 더 나은 표현을 찾으실 수도 있을 것이고요.) portion of their time at work nowadays. Therefore the job satisfaction is one of the important factors for their happiness and balance of lives. In this essay, I will review the factors that affect the satisfaction and how realistic the concept of the satisfaction for all workers is.
Though there are a number of elements which consist job satisfaction, I believe that basic work conditions such as proper work hour, vacation, and wage are the most essential. It is inevitable for all employees to get stressed out at work. People are not robots, and they need proper breaks and refreshments, which relieve their stress and give power to work again. In addition, salary is important as well. Most people work for a living not just for fun (not just for fun 이라고 적을 경우, 기본적으로 대다수의 사람은 흥미를 위해 일한다는 전제가 깔리는데, 일반적으로 그게 아니기 때문에, 그냥 for a living, rather than for fun 이 나을 것 같습니다.). Therefore, enough salary is one of the must be fulfilled conditions for job satisfaction.
On the other hand, I argue that the idea of the satisfaction for all workers is not realistic at all. Even though, the basic conditions that mentioned above are satisfied (지금 너무 많이 쓰이고 있는데, 동의어가 아예 없는 표현은 아니니까 가끔가다가 대체해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 예를 들면 met 이 있고요.), personal expectations and goals cannot be satisfied, because expectations of job satisfaction differ from person to person. In addition, the workers desire and expectation also change, for example, for young employees tend to want more opportunities and challenges to lean more about their professional field, but senior workers tend to think a number of vacation has more strong relation with job satisfactory.
In conclusion, I believe that proper work hours, vacation and salary are the fundamental conditions for job satisfaction, but because every employees have their own expectations for their jobs, satisfaction for all workers is an impossible idea.
총평: (7/7/6/6) 6.5
내용은 잘 갖춰주신 편이지만, 상대적으로 어휘 문법은 평소에 비해 조금 아쉬웠습니다. 전자는 동어 반복의 문제, 후자는 자잘한 오류를 들 수 있을 것 같고요. 채점관에 따라 문법의 경우는 7점까지 올라갈 수 있어보이지만, 그래도 우선은 경각심의 차원에서 적어드렸습니다.
+본론 두 문단이 흐름상 완전히 대비되는 전개로 이어지는 것은 아니라, On the other hand 로 잇기에는 약간 애매한 감이 있습니다. 차라리 Meanwhile 등이 나아보이네요.
수고하셨습니다 :)
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