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With the advent of television, watching a performance on TV became pretty common and not only did people’s lives got become >> 부정어구 도치와 get 동사는 좋지 않아 become으로 바꿨습니다 much comfortable but also people can save time and money with it. I strongly disagree with the view that attending a live performance is better than watching it on TV.
To begin with, people who watch a performance by a TV can be relaxed in the comfort at home. To be specific, those people can sit back and relax >> 이미 앞에 relax가 있으므로 take a rest로 해주는 것이 좋을 듯 싶습니다 not only with anything they want to eat, but also with family or friends who they want to enjoy the performance together. From my personal experience, there was a World Ballet Contest every year and my whole family used to watch it at my home with food and drinks galore. Frankly, there was no strict dress code and no uncomfortable seats. People become true audience to concentrate on a performance when they are in the environment with calm and comfort.
In addition, saving time and money would be an effective outcome as well. Without a doubt, audiences from their house do not have to pay for the ticket and they can also save their time because there will not be any killing of time in dealing with traffic. According to the survey conducted by American Superior Art Foundation, the quality of rate of satisfaction rate in viewing a performance in person was substantially higher than people who watched in the concert hall. The foundation pointed out that the main reason of the result in the survey was the advantages of saving time and money.
In conclusion, I do strongly believe that watching a performance in private by TV is more effective because audience can not only save their precious time and money, but also they can >> not only 부분과 구조가 동일해야 합니다 watch in the comfort environment.
전체적인 글의 흐름이 좋았지만 comfort environment가 좀 반복되긴 했네요
전체적으로 좋았고 잘 쓰셨습니다
Task Achievement - 8
Coherence and Cohesion - 7
Lexical Resource - 7
Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 7
7.0 예상합니다
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