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The above diagrams provide information about three types of ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and prediction for 2050.>> 앞 부분은 좋은데 of the populations 부터 너무 비슷하네요 of the number of Yemenite and Italian people in 2000 and expectation of the year, 2050. First of all, in 2000, Yemen In addition, in the year of 2000 in Italy, a number of people aged at 15 to 59 years were the highest at 61.6%, whereas both aged at under 14years and over 60years were minimal at 24.1% and 14.3% respectively. In the future for 2050, there will be outstanding features that aged over 60 years are doubled by >> 42.3 %만큼 증가했나요? 42.3%, while the least things remained will be prone to decline steadily, comparing to the past 2000. To sum up with, in the future, both Yemen and Italy, the population
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최선을 다해서 작성했습니다. ㅠㅠ 감사합니다. 너무 어렵네요 ㅠ 지난번 에세이처럼 실수를 반복해서 하고 있네요.. 시간에 너무 쫓겨서 쓰느라 실수를 많이 했습니다. ------------------------------ 우선은 단어의 반복이 너무 많습니다 aged at 형태들도 많구요 다양하게 써주셔야합니다 계속 같은 단어만 쓰면 이게 뭐였지 뭐였지 하는 의문을 낳게 됩니다 give information on(about) = provide information on(about) = illustrate = show 이 네가지만 알면 서론을 구성하는 데에 문제랑 전혀 겹치지 않게 작성하실 수 있습니다 Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 5 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5 5.5 예상합니다 | |