> > 2014-06-10 05:17:07, '' 님이 쓰신 글입니다. ↓
■ Direction You have 20 minutes to plan and write your response. You response will be judge on the basis of The quality of writing and on how well your response presents the points in the lecture and the relationship to the reading passage. Typically, an effective response will be 150 to 225 words. ■ Question Summarize the points made in the lecture you just heard, explaining how they cast doubt on the points made in the reading
| |
|
▶ Topic :
Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? | |
|
▶ Your Answer :
Well known benefits of leisure time are releasing stress and increase productivity. This is applied to children as well. If all the activities during leisure time should be educational, it will be stressful to some children,and children learn many skills while they play such as playing sports with friends, talking with friends, and playing game with friends.Finally, some children find their interest very early, the interest a child found seems meaningless to adults. >>이건 서론이 아닙니다 서론에서 if 절 finally같은 부사는 안 쓰입니다 그리고 finally 부분 무슨 뜻인지 이해가 안 가네요 찬성하는 입장이라면 레저타임이 아이들에게 무의미한 시간을 보내는 것이란 의견이 있다 하지만 ~~한 관점에서 레저는 좋다고 생각한다 정도로만 간단히 하시면 됩니다
First, leisure time can be very stressful for some children if adults restrict their activities >> 이 주장이 여가시간이 아이들에게 교육적이다/시간낭비다에 대해 어울리는 주제일까요?. Every child has different interests,>> 콤마 빼주세요 and adults have different opinions on children's interests. For example, a child wants to be a professional computer gamer player,>> 콤마 빼주세요 and he is noticeably good at it. However, parents won't>> will not 이라고 풀어써주세요 let their child play games because they see playing games is useless, so they force the young to teach other languages on a child's leisure time. The child won't >> will not learn much, >> 접속사가 없으니 두 문장 연결 못합니다 one only get a lot of stress, which can lead to having a bad attitude on the child's mental health. Therefore, adult shouldn't >> should not force those to do certain activities in their free time.
Moreover, children learn more when they play something. Different from adults, children learn essential life skills while they play hang out with friends. Those skills are almost impossible to teach the skills such as social skills and communicating skills. Children naturally learn those skills from talking with friends , meeting with new friends, >> 세개 이상 나열 중 or 앞에 콤마 붙입니다 or playing sports with friends. Adults might regard their activities to as wasting time,but it is not true >> 독백하는건 에세이가 아닙니다 누구와 말하며 설명하는게 아니라 일방적으로 설명하고 있는겁니다. Children who do what their parents say and what they want them to do won't will not have a lot of chances to make friends and to learning essential skills from friends even though they are learning some academic knowledge from educational activities. Finally, adults don't do not need to control their activities to not waste their time. >> 지워주세요 갑자기 다른 주장이 왜 나오나요
Children also have a freedom to do what they want and to release their stress in their leisure time,>> 콤마 빼주세요 and they are learning from activities that adults think wasting time. To sum up, adults should let children seek what they want to do and to have fun when they have free time in order to increase productivity and positive attitude.
각 문단의 첫 줄을 시작할 때 한 칸 띄고 시작하세요 들여쓰기는 글쓰기의 기본입니다 글자수도 100자 이상 초과됐습니다 70자 가량 줄여주세요 말이 계속 돌고 도네요 계속 같은 문장 구조를 쓰는 것도 그 이유가 될 수 있습니다 축약형은 쓰지 않습니다 not 이런거 다 풀어서 써주세요 주장은 본문 하나에 하나만 쓰시구요
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5
5.5 예상합니다 | |