소요시간: 35분
시험예정: 4월 18일
목표점수: 7점
도움없이 풀었습니다.
Q) Some people say that web content should be used to instruct children. Others think that it is not helpful in an educational setting. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It is a common belief that web content used as a method of education for children is not helpful at all. However, there is a more persuasive argument that it can be an effective way to instruct children.
To begin with, people who oppose the idea that web content set as a way of instruction is not useful think this way because web content are is not able to be perfectly controlled. There are so much information accessible for children on the Internet that it is impossible to be monitored and it is no use if all of them cannot be controlled as a whole. To be specific, children may be easily distracted by other inappropriate web sites (이런 것에 대해 구체적으로 밝힐 수 있어야합니다.) if only some of the Internet content are set to instruct children. For this reason, they have a negative view of this opinion.
On the other hand, those who have a positive perspective of the idea that web content could be an effective way to eduate children. (여기는 비문인데, 아마 stellayi님 실력을 고려했을 때 실수로 이렇게 나왔을 것 같네요. 한국어로 해석하면 '~하는 사람들은.' 하고 문장이 끊겨버리죠. 가장 쉬운 방법으로는 idea believe that 으로 수정하는 것입니다.) They agree that there are too much inappropriate and false information on the Internet that everyone including young people can reach and this affect children in a very negative way. However, conversely, they support the opinion that web sites should be used to educate children in this point. They insist that web content can be effectively controlled for students to use if there are a stringent regulation against people who make wrong content that could cause some adverse effects to children. If so, there is no more effective and helpful way to educate students thatn web content. (여기는 총평에서 말씀드리겠습니다.) Therefore, they say that the government should try to make online content instructive for young students.
To wrap up, everyone has different opinions whether online content as a mean of instruction for children is helpful or not. However, I strongly believe that it is effective and the government should try to find out ways to implement that.
총평: (6/6/7/7) 6.5
문법이나 어휘는 평소처럼 자잘한 부분들을 빼면 깔끔한 편이었는데, 반면에 내용은 개선이 필요합니다.
초록 부분을 담고 있는 문장은 '왜' 온라인 컨텐츠가 학생들을 교육하는데 도움이 될 수 있는지를 밝히는 것입니다. 그러나 정작 해당 문단에서는 '정부가 규율만 잘 하면 충분히 도움이 될 수 있을 것이다~' 정도로만 적고 있지, 도움이 될 수 있는 이유는 전혀 나와있지 않죠. 문단의 핵심이 엉뚱한 방향으로 쏠려있으니까 이에 유의해서 수정해주세요~수고하셨습니다 :)