People in these days, want to be a freelancer instead of that being employed by a company or organization. This essay discuss what makes causes this situation this situation happened, and the possible drawbacks that self-employed could have.
In my opinion, being more independent have has been a trend in today's globalized world. Especially through the media, people who are entertained and outgoing, talk about their independent life and encourage people to be an independent grownup. It does not mean being employed has only disadvantages, but media is definitely affect people and shows what merits self-employed have mostly. In my country, Korea, the most popular and role model for the young children is a YouTuber. The reason why streamer such a YouTuber has more spotlight is that they could control their way to living instead of receiving orders and acts. People seem want to be more activism active. Not only streamer, also quitting job became a trend, (여기는 어떤 의미로 적어주셨나요? 댓글 주시면 확인하고 수정해드리겠습니다.) and the population who quit their job without specific reason rose dramatically in young generation. They, especially people who were born in the 1990s, are perceived as those who do not have patience who don not have patient. However, that is true. Young people share how to live independently, and want to be more selfish in a good way.
It is a new generation which is not allowed in past society, hence However, there are a number of drawbacks that self-employed people could have. For instance, it is hard to be financially stable without their parents help. If they had an ordinary job in company, they would be living he it would be the most common life which people lived so far. However, nowadays a bunch of (구어에 가까운 표현이므로 대체해주시는 게 좋습니다.) people wants to be more challengeable and want to follow their own purpose. Obviously, being challengeable does not help to get paid. More independent life makes more competitions, and only few people can survive in the ocean of tight race.
In conclusion, being a freelancer is getting more popular through the trend which spread from media and society, and it is reasonable. People should recognize that doing only what they want and want to be are not the best choice, hence they must find the balance between work and life to figure out how to satisfy from their work. Being challengeable in their work at a company might be an example that could solve this problem. (여기는 총평에서 말씀드리겠습니다.)
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1시간 타이머 맞추고 했습니다. 목표 점수는 6.5구요 시험은 5월달에 볼 예정입니다.
도움없이 문법, 시제, 그리고 주제에 벗어나진 않는지 신경쓰긴 했지만 이게 시험관분들에겐 어떻게 보일지 혼자 하다보니 답이 잘 안서네요.
잘 부탁드립니다!
총평: (5/5/6/6) 5.5
일단 질문해주신 바에 대해 답변드리자면, 오프토픽에도 정도가 있고, 프리랜서와 자영업자를 헷갈려하는 것은 그렇게 정도가 심하지는 않습니다. 한 0.5점 정도의 감점으로 보시면 돼요.
이 글의 목적은, ~의 원인과 단점을 다루는 것입니다. 그러므로 결론에서도 원인과 단점을 요약하고 마무리지어주시면 되는데, 지금 지워진 부분처럼 나 스스로 제언을 하는 경우 논제가 요구하는 바와 어긋나게 됩니다. 고로 항상 논제가 시킨 것에만 충실할 수 있도록 해주세요~
그리고 문법+어휘에 근본적인 문제가 있는 건 절대 아닌데, 그래도 6.5에는 살짝 못 미칩니다. 따라서 문법+어휘 공부를 시험 전날까지 조금씩, 꾸준히 해주세요~수고하셨습니다 :)