저번에 영어 사설 보고 의견 표현하는 글 써보라고 하셔서 한번 써봤는데 ㅠㅠㅠ 이런 글은 처음이어서 뭔가 이상한 것 같아요....크크.... 이런 첨삭은 어떻게 남겨놔야할지 몰라서, 사설 링크 남길게요! https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2020/04/03/andrew-yang-was-wrong-showing-our-american-ness-is-not-how-asian-americans-stop-racism/
아시안이 받고 있는 차별
양이
First and foremost, racism Throughout history, racism has been regarded as a serious problem all over the world. Especially, in the US, even if Americans are composed of a variety of races, there has have been cases of racial discrimination in the civilised society. In this op-ed, Yang maintains the opinion that the best way to handle racist issues toward Asians is to show non Asian-Americans their 'American-ness'.
Asians have been in a frame where they are submissive, meek and good at mathematics. They keep being asked 'where are you from?' Even if they are Americans. People would not ask White people 'where are you from?' to know what nationality they are in the US. Under a pandemic called COVID-19, American president Trump even called the virus 'Chinese virus'. Pratically, many people are ignorant about racism. They often say racist phrases things even without knowing they did so say something racist.
In this situation, Yang's opinion is framed and be for non-Asians, as the writer says. It is in pratical regard, but it seems like Asians cause racist issues by not showing 'American-ness'. However, it could exacerbate the aversion toward Asians. Some people would think the behavior where Asian-Americans try to show their 'American-ness' of denying the fact that they are actually from Asia, which would not lead to making American think of them as the part of American.
I entrench that in order to get rid of racism, people should be told what actions and remarks are racist first. People need to admit that Asians are also the part of Americans and Americans are composed of a is a mixture of various races. Yang's solution would not settle down racism toward Asians, which is because it could practically proves that Asians are so submissive that they try to have 'American-ness'.
총평: 일단 사설에 들어간 양씨의 의견 요약, 이에 대한 반박, 그리고 writer 의 의견 요약까지는 잘 되었습니다. 여기서 writer 의 의견, 즉 맨 마지막 부분에 있는 사항에 대한 골골님의 생각까지 밝혀주셨으면 더 좋았을 거에요.
그리고 지금 글은 구조가 잘 잡힌 편인데, 혹시 글 쓰기 전에 개요를 따로 작성하지 않고 계시면 앞으로는 이러한 연습도 병행해주세요! 나중에 유학 가셔서 과제물 제출할 때 개요를 요구하는 수업도 많으며, 그렇지 않더라도 개요 작성은 모든 글쓰기의 기본이 되므로, 분명 도움될 겁니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)