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These days, >> 문두에 부사가 나오면 콤마로 나눠줍니다 a lot of travelers are traveling all around the world more than ever before. It is no doubt that a trip is really attractive and interesting hobby in terms of learning and experiencing totally different culture. >> 이런 식으로 쓰면 점수 안 받겠단 말이랑 똑같습니다 페러프레이즈 최대한 해야하는데 단어 하나 안 다르고 똑같네요
To begin with, there are some reasons why more people do go on a trip than the past >> 밑줄 친 부분 지워주세요 서론에 들어가야할 말입니다. First of all, recently, >> 콤마 넣어주세요 lots >> lots 는 구어체입니다 a lot of people can go overseas thanks to rapid development of technology for transportation which becomes faster and has various flights >> 누가 많은 비행 여행을 have 하고 있나요? having이 안되는 이유는 앞에 ing와 걸리는게 없습니다 . It was only few decades ago that it should take a long time to get get 동사는 피해주세요 reach somewhere with a horse, but, nowadays, we can go anywhere very comfortably in the world within 24 hours very comfortably.
Secondly, I think that improvement of the quality of life also has affected to do travelling travel than before. As improving the quality of life, people try to focus on having an useful and interesting experience on a vacation. They do not live only to make money. They relax and enjoy to improve their life style.
Third, People are more curious for other countries than the past because they easily peek into different life in the media. Even it is first time to travel this country people easily feel comfortable and used to
I think I can’t cannot >> 축약형 쓰는거 아닙니다 say only one or two things the benefits of travelling because travelling has many benefits.
In conclusion, travelling has many benefits such as However, For me the biggest benefit for travelling is that learning and going through totally different culture and their way of thinking After travelling, we can be more creative by learning different ideas or we can easily feel easily gratitude thankful for every moment >> 필요없는 내용입니다. I strongly believe that going trip is the more the merrier. Moreover they could extend their experience and scope of knowledge.
문단 시작할 때 첫 줄 한 칸 띄어주세요 Task1 써주세요 아직 Task2 쓰기엔 너무 이릅니다 공부 더 하시고 써주시길 바라구요 문단은 4개로 확실하게 나눠주시길 바랍니다 단어도 좀 더 다양하고 문장 구조도 좀 더 다양하게 써주시길 바랍니다
Task Achievement - 4 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 5 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 4
4.5 예상합니다 |