▶ Your Answer : In our lives, we>> 3인칭 시점으로 써주세요 people always find a person who does their job much more better than others. Generally, they are thought as a talented person or an endeavorer. However, it is controversial that whether these two opinions are compatible.>> 본인의 주장을 써주시구요 전개도 테스크에서 원하는 방향의 글이 아닙니다 글의 메인 주제를 쓰고 본인의 의견을 나타내 글의 방향을 제시해주셔야 하구요 잘하는 사람들이 재능있거나 노력하는 사람이다 가 아닌 talent를 가지고 태어나거나 노력으로 이룬 사람의 비교가 드러나야 합니다
People who believe inborn talents insist that there are many cases in the world, especially, when it comes to physical abilities.>> 주장에 대한 설명 다음에 예시를 들어주세요 For example, in the field of music, there were maestroes such as Mozart, >> 콤마 빼고 and 넣어주세요Beethoven, who had showed their musical instinct since their childhood. For sports, the example is Bo Jackson, who was a Major League Baseball player and a National Football League player at the same time. He played the two different sports very well and even was nominated as one of the all stars in both sports.
The others who think are regarded as perspiratory people are more important than giftedness ones. They assert that anyone can be a good musician or a sports star. The law of 10,000 hours is a representitive idea of them. For example, Christiano Ronaldo, one of the most famous football players in the world, is known as one of the hardest enthusiastic endeavorers. A renowned inventor, Thomas Edison, always emphasized the importance of repetition.>> 반복을 강조했나요? 노력을 강조했다는 쪽이 더 맞다고 봅니다
In my opinion, the formor idea seems right. However, I do not think the latter is wrong, but from my experience, there are limitations that ordinary people cannot overcome. I think these obstacles can only be overcome by a person who is talented and strives themselves very hard.>> 전자가 맞는 것처럼 보인다 하지만 후자는 틀린 것이라고 보지않는다 내 경험으로부터 일반 사람들이 극복하지 못할 한계가 있다 내 생각엔 이 장애물들이 열심히 노력하고 재능있는 사람으로부터 극복된다 이 의견 저 의견에 모두 동의하고 계시네요 테스크에서 원하는건 이게 아니라 맞냐 아니냐는 질문 아닌가요? 이렇게 글을 풀어쓰기도 250자의 짧은 에세이입니다 한 주장을 골라서 집중하셔야 합니다 서론을 잘 쓰시면 거기서 페러프레이즈만 해서 결론을 작성할 수 있습니다 I think ~~ 등의 문장보단 In my opinion 등으로 쓰는게 좋습니다
서론 결론이 좋지 못합니다 본론에서도 주장에 대한 설명이나 더 나아간 설명 없이 바로 예시로 간 점도 불완전합니다
Task Achievement - 5 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
5.5 예상합니다 |