In terms of common, the knowledge gained from different two methods help people improve their life quality. >> 어떤 삶의 질을 향상시킨다는 설명이 필요하고 그 다음에 예시를 들어주는 것이 좋습니다 For example, doctors can offer suitable treatments and drugs to patients by studying medical books , which is derived from medical books. Also, people can solve quickly some problems which happened in the past, as they already know proper solutions. >> 짧습니다
Turning to differences, people can do not cannot read books, while it is impossible for people who are alive to avoid experience >>?? . This is because all situations give valuable knowledge to people. For instance, if people >> we 처럼 1인칭적인 시선이 아닌 3인칭 적인 시선에서 작성해주시길 바랍니다 do not read some books, we they will receive low scores in many exams,>> 콤마 빼주세요 and then we will have the knowledge about importance of reading books>> ?? 책을 읽는 것의 중요성에 관한 지식을 가지게 될 것이다??. In addition, from my experience, although I'm >> 축약형은 절대 불가입니다 I am a university student and I have studied for about 13 years, I cannot faintly remember most high school study I even cannot remember some contents which were contained in high-school books. On the other side, I still have knowledge received from experience. Usually, communication is clearly better than physical fight when people have some conflicts. Furthermore, people can achieve their meaningful goals with their efforts.>> 갑자기 이 얘기가 왜 나오나요?
In conclusion, I indefinitely believe that experience sources is more important than reading books as these reasons.>> 결론은 서론을 다시 한 번 페러프레이즈 해서 상기시켜 써주는 것이 좋습니다
서론에서 이미 어떤 것이 중요하다란 것을 작성해두고 작성하는 글의 방식이라면 결론을 작성하기가 훨씬 쉬워지겠습니다
글의 구성이 좋지 않습니다
본론의 내용도 너무 많이 차이나고 본론1의 길이는 너무 짧습니다
중간에 통일성이 없게 작성된 문장이 있었고 시점이나 구두점 축약 문두에 사용하는 단어 등
오류 등이 있었습니다
Task Achievement - 5
Coherence and Cohesion - 5
Lexical Resource - 6
Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5
5.0 예상합니다
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