▶ Your Answer : The school system has been continuously changing continuously since it became compulsory for kids to attend school in the 20th century. Children learn a variety of skills at school, but they mainly concentrate mainly on academic studies performances.>> 그래서 본인 주장은 뭔가요??
Nowadays, it is claimed by many students & and their guardians that schools do not help some children with developing to develop their individual strength, but they are only able to offer them the same circumstance to learn. This is a considerable point and some students virtually do not benefit from academics study,>> because는 콤마로 나누지 않습니다 because their talents and interests might be in other areas such as music and art. In most countries, children are supposed to learn mathematics and English as core subjects until the age of 15 to 16. This school curriculum could be a disaster to some pupils as this means that they have to spend about 11 years on studying the subjects they are not interested in. The schools and the ministry of education argue that this system is playing a significant role in enhancing the kids with basic abilities required in a society.>> 학교 수업 과정이 현대 사회에서 학생들을 준비시키지 않는다 (현대 사회로 나아갈 수 있도록 준비시키지 않는다) 인데 본론의 주장은 수업이 획일화 되어 아이들이 배우고 싶은 것들을 흥미에 맞게 가르치지 않는다라는 의견이 주된 것인 듯 합니다 예를 들어 수학 과목이나 과학 과목이 현대 사회로 나아가는데 어떤 도움을 주나요? 그런 것에 관한 테스크인 듯 싶습니다
On the other hand, schools offer students a variety of subjects such as PE (physical education), art, and music.>> 학교에서 체육 미술 음악을 가르친다는게 본인의 주장이 될 순 없습니다 Around one to two hours of a PE lesson per week is required at school,>> 콤마 빼주세요 주어가 다를 때 콤마를 붙입니다 and this requirement has been set as a law in most countries. Additionally, students have an opportunity to study the subjects they enjoy the most, so this leaves them with there are a plenty of choices. Hence, they are open to develop themselves in a way that they would like. Many schools also have counsellors who can help students with planning their future when they are struggle to follow the school curriculum.>> 주제를 읽어보고 이 문단을 읽어보시길 바랍니다 그럼 제가 왜 이 문단 자체를 지적하는지 알아내실 수 있으실겁니다
In short, the school curriculum is designed for students to find out what they are capable of doing. Schools offer them a variety of opportunities to learn different subjects in depth, so students must follow their system at least until they are able to leave school on their own decision>> 이 얘긴 왜 나오나요?.
단어 80개 초과했습니다 줄여주세요
두 관점을 언급하고 본인의 의견을 말하라고 했으니
서론 본론1 (두 관점 제시) 본론2 (의견) 결론 (서론 페러프레이즈 + 본인의 의견 부분 짧게 페러프레이즈) 가 좋습니다
Task Achievement - 5 Coherence and Cohesion - 4 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
5.0 예상합니다 |