▶ Your Answer : With increasing crime rate, a debate about how we should punish criminals has become more controversial. Some people adhere to the idea of giving the same term penalty to the same kind of illegal actions, whereas opponents think more consideration should be included.
To begin with, advocates of a determined sentence for each different infringement immoral act strongly believe that the more peripheral factors to the judgement, the bigger possibility of wrong decisions >> the 비교급 문장은 쓰지 말아주세요. In other words, since it is a mere person who makes decisions in the court, if an argument would be were so polarised, the judge can be too confused to be absolutely impartial.>> if 에서 가정법은 Therefore, they insist that all the punishment should previously be previously fixed to prevent any possible misjudgments ascribed by from feeling sympathy or being convinced.
However, that is exactly why others require more judicious process of making establishing a sentence. In most cases, crimes are taken place occur as the final stage of highly complex phases that are definitely needed to be scrutinized>> 범죄들은 면밀히 조사될 필요가 있는 매우 복잡한 단계의 마지막 stage로서 발생된다 ? 무슨 말인지 잘 모르겠네요 범죄는 어떤 힘든 상황의 마지막 단계에서 발생한다 식으로 풀어서 써주시는게 더욱 간단하게 좋을 듯 싶네요. In this context, the same kind of violences with different situations should be appointed to different penalties referring to their individual cases. As a result, more acceptable results should be made.
From my own standpoint, I am personally inclined to heavier thoughts on judgement. For example, a murder begotten by an action of defense someone from severe violence should not be sentenced the same punishment with a deliberate one >> 결론에선 문장을 정리하는 것이지 이렇게 for example 처럼 예가 들어가면 안 됩니다. In this sense, the righteous administration of laws can be conducted by diligent overseeing in the background of the crime.
우선 단어는 고급 어휘와 아카데믹한 글에 쓰이는 고급 어휘들이 많이 사용됐습니다 어휘는 굉장히 좋았구요
다만 글이 길어지게 되고 점점 수식이 붙으면서 이해하기 자칫 방해가 되는 글들이 있었습니다 결론에는 그 성격에 맞지 않는 글이 있었구요 글자수가 좀 부족합니다 마지막 결론의 for example 부분을 뺀다고 치면 더욱 부족하게 되겠구요 아무리 잘 써도 글자수가 부족하면 6.5 를 넘기가 힘듭니다 참고해주세요
Task Achievement - 4 Coherence and Cohesion - 7 Lexical Resource - 8 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 7
6.5 예상합니다 |