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Nowadays, the controversy over whether or not with the development of our society, advancement of our living have a lot of benefits in society is a sizzling debateable point . Some governments and business leaders insist that progress might lead to making better world than ever before. However, some oppoenents claim that there are more disadvantages of excessive advancement in our society. in In 대/소문자 주의! this essay, Oopinion of both sides will be outlined and the reasons why I believe that progresses have many benefits in our community.
> 한줄씩 띄워주는 것이 좋습니다.
To begin with, it is undeniable to point out that every aspect of our living has evolved with the ongoing advancement of technology. In other words, there are more convenientce steps to approach for quality of living, (콤마) such as ordering products from the Internet service and having relationship with friends in virtual world society. In the second place, most sociologists argue that there are more and better opportunities to get a job in many companies if the progress keeps going. Therefore, as we live in society which is extremely competitive environment in terms of getting a job (employment 바꿀 수 있는 부분에 같은 단어 반복 피해주세요) , we should prioritize that keeping going advancement of our living.
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However, as every rose is accompanied by its thorns, too excessive progress for living is not without its downsides. Some people would argue that there benefits are overweighted by drawbacks in terms of environmental contamination and crimes as well as stress from working time. Firstly, it is true that too much progress often damages the environment. Building work often destroys precious environmental areas and causes air pollution as well . Secondly, sometimes progress does not benefit people much. For example, people who live in the competitiveon world tend to work longer than ever before due to increasing percentage number of working hours for their living and they amy may gain a stress from a lot of working time because of development of our society.
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In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above, it seems that we should balance between protecting environment and developing our society.
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Comment: 같은 단어의 반복이 많습니다 e.g. our society, advancement... 대/소문자 사용 주의와 단어의 형태 (동사/형용사/명사/부사..)의 구분 그리고 또한 글을 늘리기 위한 불필요한 단어의 선택을 줄이시면 더 좋은 에세이가 되겠습니다~ |