▶ Your Answer : Today, the government authorities decides many a lot of education related things including annual budgets and even the curriculum. Some people asserts that teachers who have a roll to teach students should make these decisions. Which part must have a right to decide the school curriculum is a controversial issue and I absolutely agree that teachers must decide the subjects and course contents. Firstly, teachers know better than officials in government authorities about what courses are what is really necessary to students. Specifically, teachers experience practical education in place by face-to-face meeting with students on every weekdays. Thus, so that they are experts in realistic education compared to officials. In fact, as government authorities do not know well about how much fees are need in each courses how amount of charge need in each courses, annual education budget is not a reflected practical situation, and it is hard to operate courses rightly.<(need to support/elaborate last sentence. 마지막 문장이 말하고자 하는 내용이 무엇인지 잘 모르겠습니다.) Naturally, each student is unique so that not a fixed curriculum but various types of courses are needed. By making students take the subjects and courses properly, teachers can help them to develop their specialty. Moreover, as students experience diverse fields of knowledge, teachers can give a chance to allow them to broad their background extensively. <(이 문단이 말해주는 내용은 없습니다. 즉, 관련이 없는 문단으로 보입니다. of no value가 될 수 있습니다.) Lastly, the curriculum set by government authorities could make students as biased people. In a concrete example, whether the history textbook and course contents should be determined by the government authority or not was an argument in Korea. Organizations opposed to the government side and said it is possible that the government would controls student's historical perspectives by intervening. In line with the example, the courses determined by government authorities could make all students have the same view point and it is not helpful as individually and in social. In conclusion, the current school curriculum has a gap in place and it must be changed. Teachers would be better to apply the contents students really need and can help them to improve their specialty.
Score: 5 Comment: 내용은 fair한데 문법에 너무 많이 틀리시고 계시기 때문에 헷갈리거나 이해하기 어려운 부분이 있습니다. Proofreading을 꼭 하시고 어순에 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 그 외에는 글 안에 있는 코멘트를 읽어주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |