People have varying opinions on whether or
not the benefits of advertisements by far outweigh the drawbacks. In this regard,
some assert that advertisements are indispensable in contemporary society, while
others argue that advertising causes a variety of detrimental effects on people.
However, in my opinion, advertisements are extremely essential part of our lives.
In this essay, both point of views are presented and my perspective is also
illustrated. <(discuss both views 질문이 아닌것을 아셨으면 합니다)
On the one hand, advertisements inform us
about the choices we have. When people purchase something they need, they often
encounter difficulties such as comparison with available products to buy the
suitable for them. A numerous researches conducted by Korean Consume Agency
illustrate that a substantial number of consumers believed that advertisements
help them with choosing their product. Furthermore, by far over half of
respondents agreed that their shopping has become more efficient and convenient
owing to advertisements. As the researches have shown by, a large number of
consumers enjoy advertisement and receive help from advertising.
On the other hand, we are manipulated by
advertisements. Advertisers usually focus on selling a brand image and we are
encouraged to associate certain brands with higher status. The repercussions become
more serious when advertisers aim their marketing at children. Unlike adults
who established their perspective fully, children are susceptible to the influence
of celebrities. Most children are likely to imitate what they do, thus they put
pressure on their parents to buy things, which is celebrities use in certain
advertisements.
To sum up, because of many advantages that
advertisements offer, some people enjoy and exploit advertising, whereas others
are concerned about the negative possible negative effects caused by them. From my
perspective, advertising has an essential role in today’s commercialism society,
informing information needed and wanted for someone.
Score: 8 or higher if question was about discuss both views
Comment: 잘 서술해주셨습니다. 다만 에세이 서술 방식이 discuss both views와 더 알맞는 것 같습니다. Views보다는 그저 장단점을 물어보는 것 이기 때문에 글쓴이가 생각하는 장단점을 써주시면 될 것 같습니다. Reader가 방향을 잘못 잡았다고 생각하면 패널티/감점 요인이 될 수 있습니다. 때문에 위 점수 보다 낮게 나올 수 있습니다. 수고하셨습니다.