▶ Your Answer :
The table compares the percentages of sales
on different companies’ laptop between 2006 and 2007. It is clear that the highest proportion can be seen in of
HP, Dell and others can be seen in both years, while sale volumes of the other
brands could not meet high expectations.
In one sense, the proportions of HP sales
were the highest in both years at 31.4% and 34% respectively, while the figures
for Fujitsu-Siemens were the lowest in the years 2006 and 2007. Others and Dell
sold their notebook computers at the next highest score at about 16% and 20% each
year <(sounds unclear).
On the other hand, although Toshiba could
see an increase in its share in 2007, they could not help still staying at a low
position at 7.3%. Also in both years, the levels of sum of Toshiba, Lenovo and
Fujitsu-Siemens are about 18% and 15%, which were not able to the reach sales of
HP. In addition, the percentage of Fujitsu-Siemens’ market share was only about
2% and this was the lowest level in the period Score: 6 Comment: 내용 정리를 조금 더 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 어떤 순서나 방식으로 내용을 정리grouping을 해주셨는지 잘 모르겠습니다. 또한 정보의 specificity/clarity에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |