▶ Your Answer : In our society, vVarious songs are everywhere and also there are lots of arguments. Some claim that most songs have to be banned for some reasons. Others Other people assert that such songs a song is are never beneficial for us. As for me I would think that prohibiting paling such songs may be better off. 그냥 노래들이라고 하면 주제에 맞지 않아요. 범죄나 폭력을 미화하는 노래 가사를 금지하는 것에 대한 입장을 정리해서 제시해주세요. Both perspectives will be explored in this essay and then my personal view will be offered.
To begin with, oOne of the disadvantages of letting out songs in which lyrics mean violence and criminal lifestyles is that such a song is deservedly harmful for children. Kids are too young to distinguish between good and bad songs. Furthermore, by acquiring massive criminal methods, crime rates of children will be ascending. 노래가사에 대한 지금 문제와는 관련이 없는 문장입니다. Through song lyrics which show violence and misdoings, kids can easily act and even will loose their self-control in their actions. In addition, the songs of nowadays have not only criminal lifestyles but also even sexual contents, even. Accordingly, some children can have misjudgment of sexual matters. Many people are able to think that stimulating choosing songs is are not that serious problems of society as if it doesn't matter, but it is a wrong conception none the less. Thus, people have to consider carefully what to listen. 주제에서는 폭력과 범죄 이야기를 하고 있으니까 성적인 내용까지 범위를 확장할 필요는 없어 보여요.
Apparently, there are some beneficial aspects of not banning such songs. Through these stimulative songs, people who listen to lots of music are able to get a lot of exciting songs. Surprisingly, our music industries have more innumerable songs than we anticipated. Furthermore, in case of one's right, we can't prohibit the composer's right for writing music. The more we ban their stimulative composition, the less creativity we gain. gained a massive of creative power. Moreover, it leads to another problem that spectrum of our music industry gets narrowed will less than the past. Hence, for lovers of music, unconditional ban on in music which lyrics are stimulative should be abolished. 폭력을 조장하는 가사를 금지한다는 주제 자체가 '조건이 있는' 금지니까 마지막 문장은 논점에 맞지 않아요.
In short, both advantages and disadvantages have supported this upcoming issue and several sides seem to have good reasons to approve their argument. Nevertheless, in my opinion aspects, I would be confident that these stimulative suggestive songs are not good for children's mental health, concerning that our society will get benefits from it. 좋다, 안 좋다가 아니라 '가사 내용으로 금지하는 것'에 대한 의견을 최종적으로 제시해주어야 해요.
IELTS 1-9 score scale score: 4.5 limited user
질문이 묻는 내용은 선정적인 가사의 노래 자체에 대한 나의 평가가 아니라 그 가사를 '금지하는 것'에 대한 것임에 유의해주세요. 찬성하는 입장과 반대하는 입장을 각각 본론에서 정리하면서 나의 입장을 제시한 구성은 좋지만, 내용을 설명하는 과정에서 논점에 맞지 않는 내용이 들어간 부분들은 정돈이 더 필요해 보여요. 어색한 표현이나 문법오류도 꼼꼼하게 검토해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~! 아이엘츠 라이팅 채점기준 참고하세요 - TA/TR(Task Achievement/Task Response) 문제에 정확히 답변, 적정 분량 - CC(Coherence and Cohesion) 일관성, 응집성 - LR(Lexical Resource) 다양한 어휘표현 - GR(Grammatical Range and Accuracy) 문법 다양성, 정확성 |