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Necessity of homework has been acknowledged by many educational experts in modern society. There are various reasons for some experts to assert that homework is totally necessary material for children, while the others claim that it can lead to the lack of creativity.
Some experts think homework is an effective way for children to learn. This It is a well-known fact that there are some children who do not fully participate during in lectures for some reasons. However, assignment gives an opportunity for them at least to inure to study with regard to lectures. Moreover, many teachers still believe that homework is a good way to review what children have learned from school. For instance, teachers in Korea cannot easily get rid of traditional teaching tools, such as giving homework with specific deadlines. This is because they believe it is the best way to enhance children to manage their time and be more responsible on their work.학교에서 배운 내용을 복습해서 좋다는 장점을 언급하고 갑자기 사례에서는 시간관리와 책임감에 대한 이야기를 하고 있기 때문에 일관성을 해칠 수 있어요. 시간관리와 책임감에 대한 내용은 사례가 아니라 또다른 장점으로 언급하는 것이 적절해요.
Despite of their beliefs, some other experts prefer progressive teaching tools. They believe homework is not an effective way for children's further development. They claim that homework is too simple teaching tool, which will eventually slow down the improvement of creative thinking. In order to solve this, some progressive tools have been introduced for the last decade. For example, many teachers nowadays use short video clips which contain knowledge of lectures. This makes children to understand the whole concept better with visual impacts, not only as well as auditory impacts. Furthermore, teachers could see that more children focus on the lecture when they use this tool. For these reasons, it is an undeniable fact that these kinds of tool became very popular worldwide in modern society. 숙제의 필요성에 대한 문제에서 갑자기 다른 수업도구 소개로 넘어가면 논점이탈이 돼요. 논제에서 제시한 것은 숙제가 창의력을 저하시키기 때문에 반대한다는 입장이므로 그 입장에 대한 내용을 구체적으로 제시해주어야 합니다.
In summary, these two ideas about the necessity of homework are both interesting. However, since relatively new teaching tools grab more attention from students with better understanding of lecture, it seems more likely that homework is not an essential option for children.
IELTS 1-9 score scale score: 5 modest user
주제가 묻는 내용이 단순히 '숙제가 공부에 효과적인가'만 물어보는 내용이었다면 괜찮지만, '창의력'과 관련해서 반대되는 입장이 있다고 언급했기 때문에 반대되는 입장을 설명할 때 창의력과 관련된 ground를 제시해주어야 합니다. 다른 효과적인 수업방식이 있다고 설명하는 것은 숙제와는 크게 관련이 없고, 창의력을 향상시키는 것과도 관련이 없기 때문에 off-topic으로 분류될 가능성이 커요. 지금 구성이 잘 잡혀 있으니 맥락에 맞지 않는 부분들을 다듬고 내용을 교체하는 형태로 보완하면 더 좋은 답안이 될 수 있을 것 같습니다. 나의 입장도 본론에서 함께 소개해줄 수 있도록 보완해주세요. 수고 많으셨습니다~!
아이엘츠 라이팅 채점기준 참고하세요 - TA/TR(Task Achievement/Task Response) 문제에 정확히 답변, 적정 분량 - CC(Coherence and Cohesion) 일관성, 응집성 - LR(Lexical Resource) 다양한 어휘표현 - GR(Grammatical Range and Accuracy) 문법 다양성, 정확성 |