Your Answer ▼
It is common belief that violent criminals' information should be
protected from on community. However, there is a persuasive agreement that the private
information of offenders have to broadcast the public to safeguard social
community members.
On the other hand, announcing criminals' information would lead
to secondary damage to their family. This is because, especially, it is
not difficult for people who utilize the Internet to find a specific data related to not
only that of criminals' one but also their family due to the developed Internet system in
Korea. To be specific, this belief was realized recently when my friend was
ostracized at school after her father's criminal records were released. After
that, although she did was not related to father's crime, she had to stop
school for a long time due to mistreatment. In this regard, people could assert
that the riskiness in broadcasting offenders' private information. Nevertheless, it is more important that to announce the private
data of crime to the public to protect social life. By doing so, a
repetition crime can be protected. A good example of this occurred in the
United States, there is a provision known as 'Megan's Law'. It is requires the
sex offender's information to be available to the general public. Because of this,
criminals are more monitored closely from not only the police, but also members of
community. Ultimately, the rate of sex offender has been decreased by 30%
points (참고로 여기는 30%라고 써도 아무런 문제가 없습니다. 30%로 써도 되고요.) during the last decade in the United States. In this regard (위에도 있는 표현이니까 가급적이면 대체해주세요!), to inform
data about offender's private records should be a must.
In conclusion, some people say assert that there is
no need to publicize the private information about crime due to secondary
damage. However, I personally believe that the public should be aware of
criminals' information to secure their lives stay our secure life.
아이디어는 책에있는 내용 참고해서 썼습니다. 시험은 1월 18일 이고 목표점수는 6.5~7.0 정도입니다. 항상 감사합니다!!
냉정하게 보면 문법에서 획기적인 발전이 있지 않는한 1월 18일 당장에는 7.0은 조금 많이 어려울 수 있습니다. task 1의 문제도 있고 해서...(사실 지금 토플 치르시면 충분히 25점은 넘기실 건데 유독 아이엘츠 라이팅이 수험생에게 요구하는 바가 짜기도 해요. 토플이 관대한 것도 있지만요) 대신 6.5는 충분히 충분히 충분히 가능합니다! 그러니까 이제부터는 시험 전까지 책의 아이디어 최대한 참고하지 마시고 내가 능동적으로 글을 써나가는 연습을 해주세요!
|