The take below gives information
about the underground railway systems in six cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The table represents information on the systems
of underground railway in six different urban areas.
Overall, the newer the underground railway
system is, the shorter route it has except for the system in Los Angeles. (무슨 의도로 이렇게 작성하셨는지는 충분히 이해가 됩니다. 단, LA의 경우 교토와 비교해서 길 뿐이지, 여전히 다른 도시들과의 비교를 하면 짧습니다. 그렇기 때문에 이 표의 overview 는 1927년 이전의 세 도시와, 그 이후의 세 도시를 나눠서, 전자가 훨씬 길고, 연평균 이용객도 더 많다~라고 적어주시면 돼요.) In addition,
the passengers using underground railways systems in Paris and Tokyo are much
more than those in the others.
Looking at the table more closely, the underground
railways system in London opened in 1868 has the longest route, at 394 million kilometres
and the second longest went on that in Paris, opened in 1900, amounting to 199 million
kilometres. While the figures for Tokyo and Washington DC which started to run
in 1927 and 1976, are 155 million kilometres and 126 million kilometres, respectively,
those for the others are less than 30 million kilometres. (여기서 한번 문단을 끊어주시는 것도 괜찮습니다.) In terms of passengers
utilizing the systems in different cities per year, Kyoto has the lowest number
of passengers, at 45 (여기 포함 뒤에도 단위를 정확하게 적어주세요~) and this is followed by Los Angeles and Washington DC,
accouting for 50 and 144. By contrast, it is notable that 1927 passengers use
the system in Tokyo, showing the highest number among the cities. This is
followed by Paris in which 1191 people use the system. (+최소 한 번은 per year 라는 표현이 들어가야 합니다.)
총평: (6/6/7/7) 6.5
단위 표현이 정확하게 안 되는 것도 점수에 들어가므로, 꼭 정확하게 확인해주시고, overview 의 경우 제가 체크해드린 사항들을 잘 반영해서 센스/감을 익혀주시는 게 중요하겠습니다. 수고하셨습니다 :)