Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Some
people consider that the choice of young people will lead them to become to the selfish,
whereas other people rather reckon that children should know the way of proper
decisions by making selections its themselves. Both views will be discussed, but I think, (혹시나 해서 말씀드리는데, 쉼표 위치 변경은 그냥 참고로 봐주세요~8~9점 선에서나 중요한 거라 크게 신경쓰실 필요 없습니다.) the latter view is more persuasive.
To begin
with, there are some people who think like the former view that it is
disadvantageous for children to decide to decide children themselves. This is mainly because of the
characteristics of human beings. As early as, population have a Since the early days, people have had a prominent feature of which they concentrate more on themselves than others more concentrate on by themselves than others. It originates from the instinct
of survival survive but if it exceeds, it is easy to lead to counterproductivity. In addition, the
innate tendency especially connects with needs is likely to linger. The young
generation would be more individualized individualism and this would worsen competition in future society.
Notwithstanding,
giving some option to young people has a positive impact to them. It have has (이런 거는 진짜 틀리면 안 됩니다ㅠㅠ) been
observed that some people who suffering suffer from choose something themselves or coin a
new word that call them. It means, the lack of choice about their diet,
clothing even trivial things have been going on sine young. (It 으로 시작하는 이 두 문장은 댓글 주세요!) Perhaps, this trend
would be continuous unless they are exposed to the situations which should be opt by
their parents or some adults. This is because Because a good number of parents do not give it due
to their age or protection. Through it, children are able to lean how to make a decision
and what the results from choice drive effect and so on (파란색 두 문장도 댓글 주시면 됩니다.).
In conclusion, although excessive and prejudiced choice drive to people who more think their convenience or benefit, spontaneous option make young children to be people who consider between themselves and other or all cicumstances.
총평: (6/5/7/5) 6.0
일단 질문해주신 바에 대해 답변 드리자면 맞습니다. 단 내용상 그렇게 중요한 건 아니니까 크게 신경쓰실 필요는 없습니다. 저도 예전에 참고 정도로만 적어드린 것이고요. 지금 내용은 다 필요없으니까 모든 역량을 문법에 집중해주시고 (솔직히 말씀드리자면 현재 글은 채점관에 따라 5점대로 내려갈 가능성이 더 높습니다.) 만약에 내용상 진짜 중요한 것들이 있다면 제가 그 경우에 한해서 말씀드리겠습니다.
It have has been 이거 계속 틀리고 계신데, 다른 거는 그렇다고 치더라도 이런 간단한 건 절대 틀리지 않도록 해주세요! 수고하셨습니다 :)
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