Governments should spend tax money on public libraries rather than public transportation improvements.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
By using tax from governments to public libraries, without doubt, it can encourage the improvement of and educational level. However, there is a more persuasive argument that investing plenty of (구어이긴 한데, 어차피 6점에는 아무런 상관 없으니까 그냥 참고 정도만 해주세요~) tax to develop public transportation can increase might seem increases a wide array of cultural resources and thus it is much more important than only devoting devote to public libraries.
To begin with, public transports such as a bus and train play a critical role in society. Most those who have a vehicle to use means of transport, which moreover enable to reduce traffic congestions and preserve the environmental destruction by the fuses emission (여기는 문법 문제로 인해 앞뒤가 조금 충돌하는데, 댓글 한번 주세요~). In fact, these which two problems are main issues humanity have to solve throughout the nations. the The convenient transport system could inspire the reduction of the usage of cars since people tend to avoid traffic jams. Furthermore, the majority of public transport, nowadays, consume eco-friendly energies such as electricity, which is far more advantageous to the environments rather than cars. According to a research, over 90% of cars are still worked by diesel and gasoline, although there was lots of the effort of the development eco-system vehicles.
On the top of that, it could be the case that while the purpose of going to the library is mainly to do a study or reading a book, while there are numerous cultural entertainments in the public. For enjoying these, public transportation should be more enhanced. This is because a useful transportation system can foster people to go outside to visit a great many facilities and areas, even if they are far away even there is a long distance. It is undeniable that the regions where have advanced public transportations, diverse and considerable facilities and buildings are located in there, consequently, many people live in around the city.
In conclusion, the improvement of public transportation can increase the use of transport, and ultimately relieve release traffic problems and conserve environments. This, besides, encourages individuals to have cultural experiences, which is far more beneficial than the influences of the improvements of public libraries.
총평: (7/6/6/5) 6.0
일단 제 점수는 6점인데, 그러면 실전에서 그대로 6점으로 이어질 거냐? 하면 아닙니다. 일단 저는 채점할 때 현재 글이 시험장에서 시간 내에 그대로 제출되었다는 점을 가정합니다. 그러나 지금 시간이 오버되었으며, 그래머리의 이용도 있었죠.
그래머리는 쓰셔도 무방합니다만, 고쳐진 부분들은 꼭 숙지해주셔야합니다. 그리고 잭슨님은 대체로 내용 자체는 잘 써주시고, (솔직히 말씀드리자면 내용 자체가 엉망인 수험생들도 많습니다.) 현재 목표 점수가 그리 높지 않기 때문에 무조건 문법이 절망적인 수준까지만 내려가지 않으면 됩니다. 제가 그래머리를 거치기 전 글을 보지 못해서 현재 문법이 정확히 어느정도인지 감이 잡히지는 않지만, 여하튼 6.0은 그냥 간단하고 단순한 문장을 쓰셔도 현재 내용상의 이점으로 충분히 커버 가능합니다. 그러니까 괜히 복잡한 문장구조 쓰려다가 감점당하기보단, 최대한 정확한 의미전달에 신경써주세요!
위의 마지막 줄이 가장 중요합니다. 결국 문법에 달려있으니까 절대 욕심내지 마세요~특히 task 1에서 욕심내다가 골로 가는 경우가 많습니다. 수고하셨습니다 :)
목표점수는 6.0으로 육개월전 시험에서 5.0을 받았으며 작성하는데 소요시간은 45분 정도 걸렸고, 작성후 그레머리 프로그렘으로 약간의 문법수정을 거쳤습니다.