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The bar graph illustrates the figures of families owning and renting residential buildings (패러프레이징하는 시도는 좋은데, accommodation 이 곧 building 으로 이어지지는 않습니다. 그냥 houses 라고 적으셔도 되고, 아니면 아예 원문으로 가도 돼요.) in England and Wales between the years 1918 and 2011.
Overall, it is clear that the percentage of the households in rented accommodations was much higher than that of families who live on their own homes until 1961. Also evident was that such pattern of figures showed up conversely in the following years after 1971. (이것도 틀린 말은 아닌데, 여기의 경우 높고 낮음보다는 증감 관련해서 적어주셔야합니다.)
Looking at the graph more closely, one can see that the shares of families in accommodations which was not belonged to them in 1918 were about 78%, which were roughly over triple of percentages of households owning their homes. Following that, people had begun to purchase accommodations since 1939, which was led to a slight increase of percentage by approximately about 10% points, from 22% to 32%. The proportions for both categories had remained the same between 1939 and 1953, with the households in rented homes had accounted less than before. Since 1961, the portions of people whose houses were rented ones had started to show a downward trend, while families living in own homes increased significantly. Finally, such trend had continued to be seen until 2001, and then in 2011, the number of families who rent residential buildings (여기는 총평에서 링크를 하나 넣어드리겠습니다.) had grown a bit again. However, it was still a halved percentage of those who had bought their own homes.
첨삭 항상 감사드립니다. 늘 건강하셨으면 좋겠어요 :)
아 그리고! 이번 건 쓰는 데에 시간을 너무 뺏긴 것 같아서 제가 너무 불필요한 부분에 서술을 하고 있나 싶어요. ㅠㅠ 어느 부분이 너무 길어지고 있는 걸까요?
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