Some people believe that the costs of space exploration are worth it, but others belie that space exploration is a waste of money.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of space research.
Many people believe that spending money for exploring space is worth it. Nevertheless, there are some experts who have stated that space exploration just wastes money and time. This issue is contentious because it combines positive factors such as technical developments with negative elements like wasting money.
Firstly, a number of
citizens contend that exploring space is well worth the pay for humans’ technical advancements.
This is because by improving techniques for exploring space, people can improve
a variety of aspects through exploring space such as the quality of life as human’s life of quality. For
example, a technique for astronauts’ mask can be adapted to firefighters’ masks
for the (관사는 그냥 참고로만 보시고, 너무 깊게 들어가지는 마세요~그 시간에 다른 거에 투자하는 게 훨씬 효율적입니다.) safety reasons. Moreover, by adapting this, human’s qualities of life would dramatically
increase. (얘는 앞에서 했던 말입니다.) In this regard, it is evident that space explorations have a great
number of advantages.
On the other hand, some experts assert that
exploring the universe is not only having does not only have a lot of risks that researchers don’t (줄임말은 풀어써주셔야 합니다.) even have certainty if they can find something they want, but also it seems an
action of wasting money because it requires spends a lot of money. For instance, in
2012, Space X, which is private corporation and NASA spent approximately 8
million dollars to launch a for launching spacecraft. Many citizens believed that 8 million
dollars could be used for establishing schools or government subsidy (이러한 사항들을 '훨씬 더 급한 사항이었던' 이라는 표현으로 수식해주시면 설득력이 더 늘어납니다.). For this
reason, it is clear that there are lots of cons and enormous damage that can
arise when exploring universe fail. (이 자체는 맞는 말인데, 앞과 전혀 연결이 되지 않는다는 점이 문제입니다. 앞에서는 '더 중요한 우선순위가 있다' 라고만 했기 때문이죠.)
To sum up, developing
techniques of exploring universe would have positive impacts on human’s
qualities of life, but people also and also people have to consider that it could be a waste of
money. Therefore, researchers need to find appropriate methods. (논제에서 따로 제언을 요구한 적은 없습니다.)
총평: (6/6/6/6) 6.0
대략 3분의 1지점까지는 괜찮았습니다. 거기까지만 보면 충분히 6.5정도도 가능했을 것 같고요. 그러나 그 이후에 앞에서 했던 말이 그대로 반복된다던지, 앞에서 했던 말과 전혀 관련이 없는 내용이 오는 등의 문제가 생겼으므로 두 부분에 대해서는 특히 주의를 기울여주세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)