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With the development of science and technology, modern society experiences not just the benefit from it, but also various problems which was unexpected by the scientists who invented it. The advancement of nuclear technology brought us the source of nearly unlimited energy, and, at the same time, the horror of nuclear war>> 서론에서 다룰 내용이 아닙니다. With the help of medical science, people enjoy longevity, but a new incurable virus started to threaten us>> 역시 서론에서 다룰 내용이 아닙니다. However, the scientists could not discover effective solutions until now.>> 그래서 본인의 주장은요?
Taking into account of those problems, it is understandable that some people emphasize the failure of scientists in that they could not invent necessary technology to solve them. The negative aspect of science developed faster than the positive aspect, and when the scientists invented a new technology to solve a problem, the side effect was already enlarged to the extent that we cannot reverse the trend recover anymore. The hacking technology is the most evident example. Ironically, the hackers, not the security experts, are developing security technology. Some people even argue that the scientists should be controlled by the government. >> 마지막 문장은 갑자기 뭔가요?? 예시도 과학자들에서 갑자기 해커들로 넘어갔네요
However, the problems of science derived from science are not the responsibility of scientists. The science is neutral by itself. The side effects were created by social causes, not by scientific matters. Therefore, all members of our society have to involve in creating the solutions>> 주어가 같을 때 콤마를 씁니다 . and >> 길어져서 끊었습니다 the scientists are essential in the process the world because they are the only group which has the ability to understand the technology and find a solution on technical matters.
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Task Achievement - 5 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
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