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Music has been considered as an essential tool to express people’s emotion >> 그저 중요한 역할을 한다는 문제의 의도와는 다르게 감정을 표현하는데 좋다고 한정시켜버렸네요. The opinions about the purposes of music are often split when it comes to its effect on societies and individuals. In my opinion, music is for both society and individuals>>?? 갑자기 밑도끝도 없는 얘기입니다. Both views and my opinion will be discussed in this essay.
To start with, the main role of music for society is to music has a positive effect on society in terms of representing traditions which have been inherited from generation to generation. With young generation learning the traditional music in schools, they may be naturally educated of a nation’s spirit and history. Korea, for instance, has traditional music called “Nongak” which has been used for agriculture for a long time which used to be sung by laborers in working. It also includes backgrounds of long time ago, so learning about Nongak can allow students to understand about lifestyle of our ancestors.
Also, >> so also and or but은 문두에 쓰지 않습니다 music is a powerful tool to make the public united. When people listen to a national anthem on special sports events such as the World Cup and the Olympics, it can help people to enhance the sense of belonging to their nations with patriotism. Hence, it is easy to understand that music has positive effects on our society. >> 예를 들면 어떤 사례가 있는지 말해주셔야 합니다
On the other hand, common individuals do not usually listen to a national anthem and traditional music. Most people believe that music is one of the recreational tools which can make people relaxed and smoothed>> recreational 인데 relaxed 는 좀 반대의 개념이 있습니다 relieving tool 이나 혹은 뒤에 형용사를 refreshed 등으로 표현해주세요. A research conducted by psychologists said that listening to the classical music helps depressed people by stressful situations to recover easily>> ??.
All in all, it is impossible for people to live without music because this can make people’s lives monotonous. Regardless of its different purposes, I believe music plays significant roles in for both societies and individuals with the reasons mentioned above.
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Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 5 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
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