▶ Your Answer :
There are diverse (diversity는 명사입니다) diversity pros and cons regarding that learning a foreigner language at a young age as soon as earlier <(as soon as earlier라는 표현은 없습니다) . In this essay, drawbacks and benefits of this topic will be covered. (질문은 do the advantages outweigh disadvantages이지 discuss both views가 아닙니다. thesis statement가 질문에 맞게 수정하시는 것을 추천합니다)
To begin with, the linguists who object to educating a the second language early emphasize that if parents try to teach dual languages to their children, they might not be able to learn even their mother tongue well. They would say the period during of primary school is the time that where they learning complex expressions at first ???. In this age, they do not have enough understanding capacity. Normally, only when parents teach a few of language expression slowly, do children they understand it effectively. Like this situation, educating dual languages might be felt able to feel as a burden to children and it results lack of understanding of both of languages.
However on the other hand, we can find certain benefits from early teaching also. First, by learning the language earlier, children can achieve equal level of another language skill with their mother tongue. In a 2010 research, some linguists in Korea published that children who start learning English in their elementary school have much more possibilities to being bilingual. The study said, during early childhood, children can learn any language as their mother tongue. Because of this reason, teaching the mother tongue and another language to young children coincidentally contributes them to be multilingual.
In conclusion, although there are a few disadvantages in learning foreign languages starting from primary school, being bilingual is more beneficial and outweighs the disadvantages (잘못 수정해드려서 다시 수정해드렸습니다.) it is less beneficial than being bilingual. Also if we try to prevent side effects, we can maximize the advantage of learning foreign language in early ages. (267 word)
Score: 6 Comment: 전 에세이 보다는 composition이 휠씬 나아졌습니다. Introduction thesis statement하직 조금 문제가 있습니다. 그 외에는 내용상 크게 문제가 없으시고 문법상 에러가 조금 있으십니다. 두 번째 문단에 정리가 아직 조금 더 필요합니다. 수고 하셨습니다.
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