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<Topic>
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The given diagram depicts the example of an Australian
village’s rainwater purifying system to use as for the use of drinking water. The process shows
from the rainfalls to the households’ tap as consumable water.
Overall, six stages can be observed, that mainly
go through the water refining machines which are located at underground including
a liquid filter, a water tank and a chemical water treatment after collecting
raindrops on the rooftops.
Initially, once raindrop falls on the households’
roof, the water drops are collected on the gutter. Subsequently, it is conveyed
on conjoined pipes before passing the water filter. Afterwards, the firstly purified
rainwater is stowed in the storage tank and moved to the chemical water treatment
system to be sterilized.
Lastly, after chemically refined drinkable
water is distributed to each house respectively by pumping being pumped upwards the ground
level but by different pipes with rainwater drainage, residents are able to
consume drinking water in their place by through their indoor water taps.
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[ 157 words]
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Grammar
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Vocabulary
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Cohesion
and Coherence
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Task
Response
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7/9.0
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8/9.0
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7/9.0
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8/9.0
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감사합니다.
총평: 잘 써주셨습니다. 일단 어떡해서든 150자를 넘겼기 때문에 그 자체만으로도 플러스 요소가 될 거에요.
이 글에 특정되는 내용은 아니지만 잠시 다른 걸 말씀드리자면, 모범답안을 분석할 때 생각보다 연결어의 사용이 그리 많지는 않을 것을 확인하실 수 있을 겁니다. 꽁치님도 해당 답안이 연결어 없이도 어떻게 매끄럽게 문장들을 잇는지를 분석해주시면 도움이 될 거에요. (그렇다고 연결어를 아예 안 쓰라는 말은 아닙니다!)
수고하셨습니다 :)