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In modern society, people have different opinions on the effect of technological development because of its advantages and disadvantages. Some people assert that human beings have benefited considerably from technology in terms of of conveniet life. on the other hand, However, others believe that it has brought non-beneficial effects to people and especially to the Earth. In this essay, both views will be discussed below as well as my personal opinion regarding this issue.
To start with,a I can gree with the people who argue that technology has brought many benefits >> 어떤 benefit을 말하나요? 주장에 간략하게 말하고 뒤에 설명하는 부분에서 좀 더 상세하게 말해주는게 좋습니다 and that it is true that technology helps and supports our lives. In fact, the development of the technology provides people with convenient life. We >> 3인칭 시점에서 작성해주세요 people can do numerous things like such as >> such as 가 더 좋은 표현입니다 shopping, searching, working, talking, and exercising whenever and wherever they want. I can know, for example, some specific issues or urgent situations that happen in other places and even across the world through just several times with the access to the Internet access. In addition to this, thanks to technological development, we can travel other countries where we really want to visit in few hours>> 무슨 기술의 발달로 그런가요?, and can communicate with our relatives, friends, or collegues who live in overseas a foreign country through a computer.
However, I know that everything has the other side of the coin. Although the technological development offers people more efficient life, I believe that there are crucial disadvantages that we should not ignore. For one thing is that, nowadays, many countries have experienced serious crimes associated with appliances and with the Internet. Experiencing the invasion of private life is a typical example of cyber-crime. On top of that, the degree of environmental contamination is being increased by the technological improvements.
In conclusion, these days, I strongly believe that these days most of the people as well as me have been affected by technology, and that there are positive and negative sides. Therefore, it is important that we should utilize this privilege with right methods.
주장을 쓰는데 그 주장이 주제를 한정시키면 안 됩니다
사이버 범죄 등은 기술 발달의 한 부분이니 주장으로 쓰면 안 됩니다
그저 주장엔 개인 생활이 침해될 수 있다 하고 예로 드시면 됩니다
전체 본론이 모호하게 구성되어 있습니다 주장 - 설명 - 예시 로 갈수록 더 디테일해져야 합니다
Task Achievement - 5 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5
5.0 예상합니다 |