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Volunteers influence on societies favorably. Therefore, most schools select unpaid volunteering with mandatory activities. Moreover, individuals assert that volunteering should be compulsory at high schools, anticipating nice effect on the society. However, I believe that high schools should not force all students to do volunteer services,>> because 앞뒤론 콤마가 붙지 않습니다 because it makes a prejudice about volunteer services and because the order of priorities should be respected for students.>> 학생들에게 무급 서비스를 시키자는 의견이 나오고 있다 나는 반대한다 등의 간단하게 2~3 문장 정도만 구성해주시면 됩니다
Because of obliging high school students to volunteer on unpaid services, many students fall into a bias that volunteering is not good for them forever>>??. When they do something compulsorily, every individual is apt to have bad memory about it regardless of its purpose positive side. For instance, my younger brother Joe asserts that he will never do volunteer services forever permanently 뒤에 콤마 빼주세요, since he had done unpaid service which is regulated a compulsory thing to do 40 hours per a year without benefits by high school educationalists instructors. This is one of the two reasons that the mandatory regulation is not good for all students.
Doing the wageless service for students’ society is not the first thing they have to do, >> 콤마 빼주세요 because they are faced with face other important moments in their life. People have lists of what should be done firstly in order. Especially on third grade>>??, for example, studying for entering universities or colleges and preparing for being employed on jobs are the priorities to them. Therefore, free community service should not be forced to all students.>> 고등학생들이 일자리를 구하나요?
In conclusion, high school does should not force to students to filling participate in the unpaid service time because of side effects >> negative effects on their academic procedures and personal priorities lists. Therefore, I strongly believe that all students have options to choose whether they become volunteers or not. As a result, volunteering services should not be obliged to all students in high school.
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5월 24일 까지 writing 6.0 노리려고 하는데 가장 고쳐야 할 점 '한가지' 알려주세요 !
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가장 고쳐야 할 부분은 글의 논리 부분입니다
어떤 위에 말한 것처럼 고등학생이 일자리를 구한다는 것과
무급 봉사가 부작용을 낳는다는 얘기를 결론에서 하거나(결론을 글을 정리하는 곳이지 새로운 의견 제시를 하는 곳이 아닙니다) on third grade 고 3을 말하나요? 외국은 고3 이라고 부르지 않습니다 12학년이라고 하던가 하죠 그냥 대학 진학을 위해 공부하는 학생들 등 외국인의 시점도 고려해야 합니다
문법에선 수동태를 완전히 익히지 못한 듯 싶습니다 do 와 should 의 차이도 확실히 모르시는 듯 하구요
Task Achievement - 5 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 5 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5
5.0 예상합니다 |