▶ Your Answer : Nowadays, I believe that nowadays, toys and delicious fast food >> 문제랑 너무 같습니다 play an influential role mentally and physically part in many children's fitness. Sweet and tasty food, such as chocolates and hamburgers, the typical types of food anyone would love to have are even more attractive to children. 이런 것들이 있다고 소개 했으니 이제 본인의 주장이 나올 차례입니다
As a means of making our life more fruitful, I think that 부사로 문장을 시작해야 하며 서론과 직접 연결되는 동시에 본론을 대표하는 주장이 없네요 relaxing is compulsory, especially during touch times>>??. >> 첫 문장에 대한 설명 없이 바로 예시로 가는건 좋지 않습니다Many psychologists believe that average one to two hours of relaxing activities per day help us to prevent mental diseases such as low self-esteem and depression. This is exactly the same for children as well >> 아이들의 글의 중심이므로 앞에 문장 중간에 아이들을 나타내는 말을 넣어야 합니다. They need to stay active throughout the every day and play in order to grow up mentally and physically. Toys are extremely good at helping them the young to relax and develop intelligence at the same time. For example, toys that are designed for an educative purpose do have both enjoyable and interesting aspects. However, the excessive usage of the kinds of toys is never harmful to children. >> 또 예시가 나오는 것은 좋지 않고 첫 문장부터 오프토픽입니다
Although the trend of designs of toys is changing positively, fast food has always been causing trouble since it has become viral was introduced to the public in the 20th century. It is not even good for diet and is strongly addictive too. I know that children are not good at controlling themselves, so, once they get addicted to the taste of fast food, the problem becomes even more severe.
Around the age of five-six, infants the young tend to develop their mechanical digestive functions. This is when they start avoiding sweet food due to the 50% of the nerve cells on their tongue that will be weakened during their physical growth. However, if they are entirely open to fast food around this point, their nerve cells will not be weakened, but will stay as healthy as before. Subsequently, their desire for the sweet taste never disappear until they all fully mature.
In conclusion, I agree with the statement that fast food and toys can hinder mental and physical development, but, in moderation there is no problem. In this case the parents would not have to spend so much money because everything is in moderation.
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