▶ Your Answer :
The given pie chart accounts for the energy usage of house equipment in Australia. On the other hand, the second pie chart explains the eco-friendly efficiency of these materials.
Overall, even though Australia is widely known as a hot country (호주 내 지역마다 다른 내용이기 때문에 적합하지 않은 내용입니다), Australian people are using energy for heating. Almost two-third energy of the total using are spent for heating air, which is 42%, and increasing water’s temperature which is 30%. This per cent, for heating water, is double the energy using for operating other devices. Remains, almost 15% of the total, are divided by for cooling, for refrigeration and for lighting.
However, surprisingly, although the most usage of energy at home is for increasing the air temperature, the culprit of increasing the Earth’s temperature is the system which are is (단/복수 주의) able to supply hot water to the Australian people. In addition, other appliances are emitting the greenhouse gas, (콤마) at 28% of the total emissions, despite (despite 사용법 주의..) even though the people are using energy for these??? just 15% of total using. These two main elements occupy almost 60% of emitting the greenhouse gas at home in Australia.
To be recapitulated, Australian people are using energy for heating their circumstance 매우 어색한 단어 표현... , but only the air heating system is able to show the sufficient efficiency ? of greenhouse gas emission ->전반적으로 이해가 되지 않는 요약입니다.
SCORE: 4.5
Comment: 어색한 단어선택/표현때문에 글이 매끄럽지 못합니다. despite 사용법을 문법책을 보며 다시 한번 복습하셔야겠습니다. (despite/although/even though/inspite of 부분을 살펴주세요)