▶ Your Answer :
In the contemporary world, it is a common phenomenon to communicate and trade across the national boundaries. Although globalization has brought several detrimental points such as environmental crisis and enlarged the gap between the rich and the poor gap, however, I strongly believe that the benefits outweigh the negative things.
On the one hand, it is an undeniable fact that the globalization has brought many desirable benefits on the global community. Firstly, free trade expanded job opportunities and markets in a variety of fields where people can work regardless of their nationality. For example, there are many global companies such as GM MOTORS who hire workers in several countries. >> 아쉽습니다 GM 이 어느 나라에 있어서 그 나라 사람들을 고용한다 이런 식으로 작성이 됐음 좋았는데 다른 의견이 하나 더 나와서 예시가 너무 줄어버렸네요 예시 부분에서는 본문 구성 중 디테일이 가장 완벽해야 합니다 Secondly, there are many cultural exchanges, which improve the standard of living standard. Nowadays, people can experience different cultures in a safe and a convenient way through students exchange programs >>?? share files and communicate with each other on the Internet, the Internet communication , and overseas trips go on an overseas trip thanks to the reinforced international relationships. Finally, globalization contributes to combining opinions about the global issues. For example, it is common to see global coordination for natural preservation in this globalized era. >> 이 부분은 설명하기에 너무 짧습니다 주장이 있으면 그에 대한 설명 정도의 길이 밖에 안 됩니다 보통 주장 1 문장 설명 1~2 문장 예시가 2~3 문장을차지해야 합니다
On the other hand, it is clear that globalization has caused some negative effects such as pollution and economical inequality. Due to the increased number of overseas trips, many natural sites such as African planes are suffering from environmental destruction. For example, there are many travelers who throw away trashes in the environmental preserved area. In addition, the food from the visitors can kill wild animals; this occurs in real time all over the world. As a second view, globalization has widened the gap between rich and poor. A research conducted by Seoul University revealed that free trade contributes to enlarging national income differences between developed countries and developing one. >> 아프리카를 언급했으면 그에 맞는 예시가 작성되어야 합니다
In conclusion, although globalization has some negative effects, I stongnly believe that there are far more benefits. In additon, the government is required to manage this phenomenon in the right direction.
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오랜만에 빠르게 읽어내려 갈 수 있던 글이네요.. !
다만 위에 언급해드린 아쉬운 부분들은 참고해주세요
문법이나 서론에서 쓴 단어를 최대한 피하는 것이 좋습니다 예를 들면
rich and poor 라면 부유한 사람과 가난한 사람을 말할 수도 있고
wealth and poverty 정도로도 표현할 수 있겠구요
Task Achievement - 7 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 7 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
6.5 예상합니다 |