▶ Your Answer :
In my opinion, if the number of languages decreases and people use the limited dominant language such as English and Chinese, they are able to manage their lives with ease. Although a variety of languages which are an important part of cultures preserves diverse traditions and allows people to learn their histories, in modern society, the more languages exist, the more difficulties they face. >> 서론은 이렇게 구성하면 안 됩니다 테스크에서 주어진 문제를 본인의 말로 다시 건드려주고 본인의 의견을 말해서 글이 나아갈 방향을 제시해주셔야 합니다 서론에 In my opinion으로 시작을 절대 할 수 없습니다 약간 결론 쪽이나 후반부의 내용은 본론 쪽에 들어가야 할 듯 싶습니다
First of all, people can save their priceless time and invest it to other productive activities instead of spending time on learning another language. such as travelling, pursuing diploma and developing themselves, Todays, because they people generally spend too much time learning the a second languages or mother tongues>> 모국어 얘기가 나오는건 전혀 맞지 않습니다. For instance, according to Korean Education Organization, a high school assigns 6>> 10 이하의 숫자는 영어로 써주세요 six hours per week to students in order to take part in Korean-processed language lectures. If they many pupils learn only English which is a dominant language currently, they can supplement their academic weakness and improve its >> ?? performance to enroll in a great university instead of studying Korean one. It is a difficult task to master a specific foreign language and, thus, the circumstance that particular languages disappear save considerable time for students in order to improve themselves. >> 해외 대학에 진학해서 약점을 보완하고 학업을 향상시키는게 언어의 사라짐과 무슨 연관이 있죠? 밑줄 쳐드린 부분 한 줄을 설명하기 위해 했다면 비효율적입니다 또한 저 말을 설명하려면 저게 주장이 되고 설명하고 예시를 드는 식으로 진행하셔야 합니다
Secondly, if languages which the public uses are uniform standardized and limited due to this situation, a number of people can study and work abroad easily. A lot of people, nowadays, go to abroad for achieving bachelor, master and doctoral degree. However, before enrolling in the course, they tend to spend at least a year to learn languages which their target school requires for entry. On the other hand, people also learn the second languages to live in different countries and go to developed countries good to live such as Germany and Singapore so as to earn much money. Some of them face barriers to master languages and end up then give up their dreams finally. If languages which the pubic speak spoken generally were limited in the world, they would not get through these obstacles. Fewer languages simulates a globalism and society to make progress.>> 흐름이 좋았지만 중간에 On the other hand 로 다른 주장이 다시 추가되면서 또 주장이 약해졌습니다 본문 하나엔 주장 하나만 배치해주세요
In conclusion, I totally agree with this statement which the decreased number of languages encourages people not only to manage their lives more conveniently thanks to saving time but also to accelerate globalism.
지적해드릴 만한 사항들은 위에 말씀드렸구요
다른 부분은 어휘나 그래머 부분들 보시면 될 듯 싶습니다
Task Achievement - 5 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
5.5 예상합니다 |