Many parents worry that advertisements encourage children to purchase
unnecessary items without discreet consideration. On the other hand,
advertisers think that they are offering beneficial information to children. In
the essay, I will discuss both standpoints and suggest my perspective on the
issue.
Most people assert that advertisement is basically distrustful because
advertising companies have produced a lot of distortions and exaggerations about
various products. Based on the viewpoint, parents concern that the negative
effects of advertisement could maximize in the case of children since they tend
to buy goods on impulse. Therefore, those could promote children’s unreasonable
shopping. Furthermore, parents insist that children cannot distinguish useful
information from distortions and overstatements because they are too young to
measure the information properly.
Accordingly, from the viewpoint of parents, it is sensible to believe that
advertisements do not have positive influences on children.
In contrast, advertisers suggest that advertisement could provide
children with diverse information, which enable them to spend money reasonably.
Besides, advertising agencies convince people that compared to adults, children
do not have suitable standards for rational consumption, so they could earn
reasonable criteria through many kinds of advertisements. <(such as?) However, it is
obvious that advertisements are inclined to magnify advantages of items and in
contrast, advertisers do not pay sufficient attention to publicizing the
drawbacks. As a result, it is inevitable that it is almost impossible for
consumers to find the disadvantages only through advertisements. <(contradicting 되는 내용 보다 viewpoint에 대한 내용을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. )
From my viewpoint, it is undeniable that advertisements induce people
to focus on the benefits of products. Hence, children cannot recognize merits
and demerits only by watching advertisings. Therefore, specifically as for
children who do
not have sensitive judgment, it is more difficult to discern necessary and useful goods for them
from unnecessary and expendable ones. Thus, I agree with the opinion of parents
and I am convinced that governments should have strict regulations especially
on advertisements related to children items.<(조금 더 concluding하는 느낌을 주시면 좋을 것 같습니다.
Score: 7
Comment: 잘 서술 해주셨습니다. 다만 elaboration이 조금 더 필요한 곳이 있습니다. 수고 하셨습니다.