▶ Your Answer :
In contemporary society, there is an opinion that education for middle and high school students should place a strong emphasis on subjects associated with scientific techniques rather than any other fields. Although the scientific field is efficiently important, I totally disagree that we should place priority on science technology.
Nevertheless, I adequately admit that the technical parts related to science are helpful to students. This is because it contributes to improvement in both creativity and imagination of students as a whole. These capabilities capability are required in a number of portions associated with science like study of areas of the unknown unknowing and suggesting scientific hypotheses.<(저번에도 말씀 드렸던것처럼 만약에 creativity 와 imagination만 필요한 것이라면 꼭 science를 배워서 얻을수 있는게 아닌게 되고 결국엔 중요한건 creativity and imagination입니다. 또한 science을 해서 이 두 능력을 얻으면서 science에 도움이 된다고 하면 논리적으로 조금 어색합니다. 오히려 과학과 관련없게 contribution이 되면 더 persuasive합니다. 결론을 과학을 하면 과학하는데에 도움이 된다 라고 들립니다.) Also, in the long-term, teaching subjects related to science and technology is necessary to raise talented people who are essential in the development of future society. For example, studying of promising areas such as information technology or outer space exploration require competent people.
However, I confidently believe that we do not need to place more value on science and technology as parts students learn at school. There is a possibility that focusing more on science can cause the phenomenon that cheapens the value of life. In the process of students learning science and technology, they are more likely to be accustomed to taking take the results supported by sacrifice such as an experiment on human bodies and animals for grant. Also, if schools prefer teaching science fields, students will be obsessed with only visible results. In generally, specific and visual outcomes like figures or levels changes in some experiments are regarded as successful achievements in science fields.<(꼭 필요한 문장은 아닙니다. 뒤에 나오는 문장에 있는 abstract concept가 visible results랑 coherence가 됩니다) As a results, relatively more abstract concepts like traditional culture and artistic value that we have to preserve and hand down to our descendants are more likely to be neglected.
For the reasons mentioned above, I fully disagree with the opinion because education focused more on science and technology would bring drawbacks of disvalue in life and obsession to perceptible outcome.
Score: 6.5 Comment: 저번 보다는 흐름이 조금 낳아졌습니다. singularity/plurality 에 틀리시고 계십니다. 그 외에는 글 안에 있는 코멘트를 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고하셨습니다. |