It is a common belief that the major environmental problem is the loss of particular flora and fauna. However, I firmly believe that there are more important environmental issues, such as a air pollution that comes from gas emitted by emitting gas from vehicles.
On the one hand, some people argue that the loss of specific plants and animals is the main environmental problem. This is because people think the nature is the solution of air pollution or global warming by producing the fresh air. For example, there are many floras and faunas in Amazon. Therefore, it makes lots of oxygen and helps to alleviate the air pollution happening all over the world. (그런데 얘네가 아마존에서 멸종될 경우 무슨 일이 생길지에 대해 작성해주셔야합니다.)
Nevertheless, I support the idea that there are more important environmental problems, since people make lots of toxic substances in their life such as exhaust gasses and industrial wastes. Furthermore, today vehicles have become an essential part of our life. This is because the cars are highly involved in our livelihood. Thus, even though these motor vehicles emitting emit great amount of CO2, it is difficult to stop using them immediately. According to many statistics, there are lots of smog in the cities where many people live. The temperature of the globe also rises year by year. (마찬가지로, 그래서 얘네들이 왜 큰 문제인지를 적어주셔야해요. 가령 스모그가 인체에 끼치는 해로운 영향 등을 작성할 수 있어야합니다.)
To sum up, while it is apparent that the flora and fauna is the main factor for the environmental problems. However, (while 이랑 however 는 역할이 겹칩니다.) , it is undeniable that using cars, factories and so on are more harmful for nature. Therefore, people should find a better way to resolve this problems. (제언을 하는 것은 논제에서 요구된 바가 없습니다.)
총평: (5/6/6/6) 6.0
위에서 말씀드렸듯이 두 본론 모두 중간에 끊긴채로 마무리되었습니다. 핵심이 되는 것, 즉 동/식물의 멸종과 기타 환경문제가 왜 현시대의 가장 큰 환경 문제인지에 들어가지 못하고 문단이 끝났으므로, 논제가 요구하는 바를 깔끔하게 이끌어내지 못한 상태이죠. 따라서 두 문단 모두 보충해주세요~수고하셨습니다 :)