Task 2 (05 Two-part question 유형) - 해커스 정규교재 p.
317 문제
Consumer behavior has changed considerably
in recent years due to technology. In what ways does technology affect consumer
activities such as shopping? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
In modern society, the trend of consumer
behaviour is commonly discussed as this has been affected from technology such
as shopping (shopping 자체는 기술이 아니니까, 온라인 쇼핑 등으로 더 구체화해주셔야합니다.). Although there are a lot of pros and cons of the issue, I
personally think that technology has an overall positive effect on consumer
activities.
To begin with, development of new
technology has made consumer activities much more convenient and optimal. In fact,
the biggest part of changes in consumer behaviour can be found in shopping since
online shopping through the Internet or mobile phones became popular. Due to
the IT skills which are adopted for shopping, people do not need to go to the
market to buy groceries. In this regard, there is an interesting recent survey. In Seoul, Only 20 percent of working population visits local markets for shopping over
the weekend because they are able to utilize online shopping today while it was
approximate 60 percent of them a decade ago when the online shopping was not
common. (다시 한번 말씀드리지만, 이런 거 진짜로 진짜로 아무 의미 없습니다. 아직 시간이 많으니까 이 습관 고쳐주셔야해요. 여기의 경우, groceries 와 이어서, '현시대에는 사람들은 그냥 누워서 라면을 흡입하면서 스마트폰으로의 클릭을 통해 쇼핑이 가능하게 되었다~이런 쪽의 '구체화'를 해주셔야합니다.)
It is true that consumers are more likely
to rely on the technology as times goes by. Nevertheless, there are more
advantages as the technology can help improve people’s lives improved. By using
technology like online shopping, consumers are able to save their time as
mentioned above. Furthermore, they would easily purchase what they need in the
best quality with supports of technology. For example, AI (Artificial
Intelligence), which is the state-of-the-art technology will navigate consumers
to find which brand and type of products are suitable for them based on the
accumulated personal shopping data.
To sum up, it is evident that consumer behaviour
has been changed due to the technology development. (어떻게 바뀌었는지를 요약해주세요!) This will make our daily
lives much efficient as well as convenient in the near future.
총평: (6/6/7/7) 6.5
문법/어휘는 큰 문제가 없었는데, 이에 비해 내용의 경우 본론 첫 번째 문단의 부적절함이 있으며, 본론 두 번째 문단도 outweigh 가 보이지 않는다는 점에서 수정이 필요합니다. outweigh 의 경우 제가 예전에 넣어드렸던 링크의 글처럼, 단점이 장점에 의해 어떻게 상쇄되는지를 적어주셔야해요. 6점대 선에서는 이런 거 안 해도 크게 상관은 없지만, 7.0 필요하시니까 이런 하나하나도 반드시 챙겨야합니다. 수고하셨습니다 :)
1. 목표점수: 7.0
2. 시험예정일: 2월 말경 (첫 시험)
3. 작성시간: 41분 (도움 없이)
4. 단어수: 286
설문/통계 사용에 대한 조언해주신 부분을 염두하고 넣어봤는데, 제한된 시간 내에 작성하려니 쉽지가 않네요.
늘 감사드리며, 첨삭 부탁 드립니다.