Some people believe that it is advantageous for college students to have a part-time job. But I firmly believe that there are more disadvantages such as time loss and hard to concentrating on their study.
One positive thing of doing a part-time job for the college students is that they could have useful experiences than who does not. They could learn how difficult is to earn money and be independent from their parents’ supports. Moreover, they could know how to plan their schedule themselves and organize time more efficiently. For example, according to a recent survey students who had part-time job addressed that they could adjust more easily due to their experiences. It is clear that having and experience of part-time job could be beneficial for the future of students. (여기는 총평에서 말씀드리겠습니다.)
However, part-time jobs could spend and take away times from students. The more they work, the less time there is to have a relationship, to hang out with their friends, and to have his or her own time. For isntance instance, while they are working, peers could have that amount of extra time to hang out and have more interaction which bonds them together it bonds each other. In addition, students who work would have less time to think about their future more deeply and study as well which are the most important things to do in that period.
To sum up, to have part-time jobs could provide the advantages such as learning how to organize his or her time. However, the disadvantages outweigh the advantages because the loss of the time in that period of twenties never comes back in life. For these reasons, having a part-time job as a student is not a good decision.
총평: (6/5/6/6) 6.0
마찬가지로 문법에서 근본적인 문제가 없기 때문에 요령만 익혀주시면 6.5 정도는 충분히 가능하실 겁니다. 대신, 어휘 쪽은 약간 단조로운 편이라 단어 암기는 꾸준히 병행해주셔야겠고요. 본론 첫 번째 문단은 알바의 단점을 하나 더 적어주시면 되는데, 이에 대해서는 링클르 하나 넣어드리겠습니다. 수고하셨습니다 :)
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총 글자수: 287단어
총 소요 시간: 45분
Task1에 이어서 잘 부탁드립니다.ㅎㅎ