Some argue that economical difficulties play a key role for the reason of crime, while others believe that one person’s nature make him or her (별다른 이유가 없는 한 특정 성별로 한정지어서는 안 됩니다.) commit a crime. Although both views are worth exploring, I think that criminals usually commit crimes because of their economically disadvantaged environments.
On the one hand, some psychologists acclaim that someone who is born to be evil is likely to commit crime compared to others. To be specific, a lower sense of sympathy of one person makes him be a criminal since they (이 문장의 경우 위의 성별 문제도 있지만, 이를 제외하고 보더라도 him 과 they, their 가 통일이 되어있지 않죠. CC에 영향을 주므로 주의해주세요!) don’t does not know how much others would be suffered from their crime. In several crime cases, it rose a wonder from many people why several criminals who have affluent family murder others. In most of these cases, the reasons of the crime is their evil nature.
On the other hand, money is the key to living in this commercialized society. If someone has not enough money, they are likely to commit crimes because less money decreases the chance of receiving better gave less educational opportunities, resulting in low-income jobs. This detrimental cycle would be repeated continuously, which makes them steal someone else's 재물/재산 someone’s. According to research, the majority of criminals who commit burglary or theft, showed a tendency to have been grown in unprivileged environments (전형적인 앞의 말을 그대로 반복하고 있는, 즉 반드시 피해야 할 전개의 종류입니다. 'A라고 했대. 왜? 아 모르겠고 그냥 연구에서 A라고 했대~' 로 보시면 돼요. 이전 글에서도 말씀드렸듯이, 만약에 구체화의 구성이 어렵다면 그냥 본론 첫 번째 문단처럼 근거로만 쭉 이어주셔도 무방합니다. 그게 훨씬 나아요.)
To sum up, society has become more commercialized, thus having enough cash is essential for life and for preventing crime. For economically disadvantaged people, they know that they are (가급적이면 줄임말 사용은 지양해주세요!) they’re doing wrong but there is no choice but to do crime to survive these days. Therefore, governments have to establish policies to help these people and lower the rate of crime. (너무 나아갔습니다. 그냥 경제적 사정 vs 본성 중에서 고른 다음 근거만 말씀해주시고 마무리지어주세요.)