Your Answer ▼ It is true that many goods include the high proportion of sugar, which result in obesity, diabetes. While l accept that if the sugar(엄밀히 말하면 설탕 자체의 가격을 인상시키는 것이라기 보다는 sugary products의 가격을 높이는 것입니다.) price increases, many consumers don't would less purchase their product sugary products than before, I believe that products' price that contains sugar should be lower for people.
On the one hand, there are several reasons that don't have to rise why the government should not increase sugary products' cost. Firstly, companies can use other materials instead of sugar without price issue. For example, sweet resources that don't do not bring about diseases are developed by producers.(예컨대 무엇을 의미하는 것인가요? 설탕 대체재를 의미하나요?) Secondly, if it is expensive for people to buy sugary products, factories that produce sugar will be stopped and it can have an negative impact on their economy as well as local economy.(어떤 negative impact 인가요? 사람들의 실직? 구체적인 서술이 더 필요합니다.) Therefore, because it will be tackled by other ways, price issues should be considered carefully.
On the other hand, I(항상 대문자!) assert that the price of sugary product is needed to be expensive increased. One of the reasons is that many dangerous diseases are caused by sugary products such as donut, coke. Some research has shown that the diabetes possibility of diabetes of a group that was eating sweet food was higher than another group that wasn't was not(축약어는 가급적 풀어서 써주세요). Another reason is that rising the price is the most certain way.(무슨 의미인지 전달이 안 됩니다. certain 대신 effective 혹은 direct 으로 써주시면 될 것 같아요.) If the price continues to be stable, buyers will purchase the sugary food eventually.(뒤의 예시가 이 바로 앞문장을 설명해주는 예시가 맞을까요?) For instance, in Korea, after the cost of cigarette went up, the percentage of people who bought it decreased. In addition, at present, since the price of sugar is cheap, the sales of sugary products has increased.(+그래서 가격을 높이는 게 직접적으로 sugary products의 sales 감소에 도움이 될 것이다, 라는 정리 문장이 필요해 보입니다.)
In conclusion, while it is undeniable that many people is enjoy eating sugary products and there can be some ways instead of rising price of those products to prevent them from consuming those, I believe that this method will be the most effective ways and discourage people from eating sugar. |