Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is better to work as a team than as an individual to succeed.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
There are people who prefer to work as a team, while there are also people who prefer to work (바로 앞에 같은 표현이므로 대체해주시는 게 좋습니다.) as an individual. I personally prefer to work (여기도 그렇고요. 제가 표시해드린 둘 중 최소 하나는 꼭 다른 표현으로 대체해주세요~) as an individual and strongly disagree with the statement that it is better to work as a team than as an individual to succeed.
(여기를 포함해서 모든 문단이 구분될 때에는 지금 제가 해드린 것과 같이 엔터 한번 더 쳐주셔야 합니다.)
First and foremost, there is no risk of having conflicts or fights if you (2인칭은 구어 축에 속하므로 쓰지 않는다고 보시면 됩니다.) work as an individual. If you are in a group of people, it is extremely hard for everyone to have exactly the same ideas, which means conflicts are inevitable. Also, it takes much longer time to decide something as a group than it is as an individual. However, if you work alone, it is only you who plan and decide what to do, so you do not have to worry about others' opinions and get in conflicts with people who have different ideas from you without wasting any time. For example, when When I was in 7th grade, I had a chance to join a science experiment competition. Students could choose to participate as a group on as an individual. It was a semi-final, and I was alone and the opposite team had 7 students as a team. As soon as the competition began, I began to conduct my experiment using the materials given. However, the group of students seemed to struggle with opposing ideas on what experiment they should do. When I was done with my experiment and presentation, they were not even close to finishing. I won the competition easily without any doubt, and this experience clearly showed me some drawback of working as a group.
The second reason why I do not agree with the statement is because you can concentrate better as an individual than as a group. If you work as an individual, you have one specific goal for yourself and therefore it is easy to do your best to reach that goal. However, as a group, each individuals might have different goals for themselves which might prevent them from proceeding to the next level. As an example, I created a math club in my senior year in high school, and the purpose was to learn more about mathematical applications in my life by comparing what I learn during classes with daily life. However, there were students who just wanted to get good grades in their classes and the whole group of students were just lost in the middle, not knowing what to do. I was very frustrated and decided to kick those who aim to get good grades out of the club. However, even after that, there were students who blamed me for their bad scores in math exams. Obviously, I failed to succeed according to my plan. If you work as an individual, all these problems and conflicts are totally out of your way, and you alone are responsible for yourself.
In conclusion, I do not agree that it is better to work as a team than as an individual to succeed because if you work as an individual, there is no risk of having conflicts and you can focus on your own work to succeed.
총평: 일단 게시판을 잘못 찾아오신 것 같긴 한데 그래도 문법 등 자잘한 오류만 가볍게 봐드렸습니다. 아이엘츠였다면 지금 글보다 훨씬 간추려야 하고 예시도 싹 수정해야되지만, 토플이니까 적어도 내용상 문제가 그리 크지는 않을 거에요. 반복되는 표현만 최대한 대체해주세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)