Initially, university education was for people who have a passion in for their study. As most of them became professors or devoted themselves into the society. Getting a job was the latter concern to them. Thus, people who want a job went to commercial high schools. However, as almost all of students go to a university, their initial objective has been lost. As a result, nowadays many people in nowadays believe the main aim for university education is to help graduates (to) find better jobs. * passion 은 불가산 같아보이는 가산명사 have a passion for ~
First and foremost, as most students go to a university 1.for certain jobs which require degrees, 2.they are desperately in short. Their assertion is understandable as because university education is for the future of college students. After the global recession, many people lost their job, and once they lost the job, they realised that 3.without degrees, it is almost impossible to get another job. 4.This sad trend grew the argument: universities are for gaining better jobs.
1. students go to a university to get high quality jobs which require special knowlege and a university degree.
2. they are desperate. In short, their assertion ~
3. it is almost impossible to get another job without a university degree.
4. This trend supports the argument that students go to a university to get a better job.
However, some people believe that university education has wider /a variety of benefits for individuals and society. This belief was the original objective of the university. Most graduates became professors to teach young students, and others devoted themselves into the society. Researching for developing technologies and progressing their field's study for benefits of humankind. 이문장은 동사가 없네요.
I personally believe agree with the latter belief ideologically, but in reality, university education is for the future of college students. No one wants to become a beggar, everyone wants to become rich and famous. Sadly, that motivates most people to get into universities. I, therefore, am with the latter assertion.
글 첨삭 감사드립니다.
그런데 제가 지식이 좀 딸려서 좀 물어볼게 있네요.
1. 불가산, 가산 명사가 무엇이죠? 2. 두번째 paragraph 두번째 줄에서 ~as~를 because로 바꾸셨는데 as도 되지 않나요? 둘의 차이점이 뭐죠? 3. 마지막 paragraph에서 ideologically가 표현이 부자연스러워서 지운건가요? 아니면 문법적으로 안맞아서 지운건가요? 제 취지는 '이론상으로는 두번째 의견을 동의 하나, 현실적으로는 첫번째 의견을 따를수 밖에 없다' 라고 쓴거거든요. 만약 부자연스럽다면 대체할 표현으로 좋은것 좀 추천해 주세요.
정말 죄송합니다. 제가 지식이 좀 딸려서요. 무례를 무릅쓰고 다시한번 부탁드립니다. |