> > 2011-05-05 01:41:36, '' 님이 쓰신 글입니다. ↓
■ You should spend about 40 minutes on this task ■ Present a written argument or case to an educated reader no special knowledge of?the?following topic ■ You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant ???evidence ■ You should write at least 250 words | |
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Topic : Online shopping is increasing dramatically. How could this trend affect our environment and the kinds of jobs required? | |
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Thesedays, a lot of people prefer to shop online than to shop at offline stores. Online shopping is becoming extremely popular nowadays, and so I would like to discuss how this could impact on the our environment and on jobs in this essay.
When people go shopping, they usually get to the go to stores by cars or buses. This could be one of the main causes for environmental pollution. Therefore, if people shop online at home, people will drive less and it will help the environment with small amount of driving cars. However, this can not only be a positive effect on the environment. The more people shop online, the more packages the stores will have to produce. The stores will have to pack the products, and the packages will effect nagatively have a negative effect on the environment, and it will cause the many kinds of pollution.
not only 다음에 문장이 없네요. 그리고 전체적으로 구두점, 이 안찍혀 있습니다.
People shopping online can also affect the jobs as well. To begin with, there will be many shop workers who lose their jobs. If people are less likely to shop at offline stores, the amount of working time the workers work will be reduced, and the unemployment rate may rise. Nonetheless, the jobs in IT will increase, be increased and people who are have more effieient efficient with computer programmes such as computer programmers, web designers, graphic designers etc will have more oppurtunities to get a job.
In conclusion, I believe that online shopping may have a negative effect on employment, but it might be a good thing for the environment. | |
아 그리구 제가 혼자서 공부를 하고있어서 제가 쓴 에세이가 밴드 어느 정도에 드는지를 정말 모르겠거든요..
위에 쓰신것 보다는 떨어지는 글이구요. 그리고 토픽이 우리의 생활환경에 어떤 영향을 미치는지, 즉 쇼핑에 대한
시간을 줄일수 있고 다양한 상품을 한눈에 편리하게 볼수 있다 정도로 풀어 나가셨어도 됩니다. 물론 위의 오염과 관련된
the enviroment 로 잡아가셔도 됩니다.만, 꼭 그것만을 묻는 것은 아니었습니다. 전체적으로 길이도 짧구요.
스펠링 오류도 보이네요. 품사도 그렇구요. 하지만 위에서와 같이 기본적인 실력은 5점을 넘기는데 무리 없을 것 같습니다. 토픽에 따라 기복이 있으신거 같은데 조금 연습을 더 하시는게 좋겠어요.
제가 5를 꼭 넘어야되서 이 에세이가 5는 넘나요..? 점수 어느정도 받을까요 이정도 실력이면? ㅜㅜ...
도저히 제 실력을 알수있는 방법이 없어서 부탁드려봐요.. 예상 점수 꼭좀 부탁드려요 .... ㅠ 감사합니다..ㅜㅜ