In modern society, expanding one’s social network with people who have different backgrounds has become the norm. Some people assert that having friends who think similarly is the best, while others maintain the opposite. Personally, I opine that building social relationships with people who have differing opinions is important for one’s life.
On the one hand, there are a couple of benefits of mingling with people who have the same perspective. Firstly, it is more entertaining since there are more chances to find a common ground with each other. For some people, finding topics for conversation and maintaining good relationships with others are extremely stressful, however, with like-minded people one can be at ease while being (안 넣어도 되긴 하지만, 일단은 추가해드렸습니다.) around them.
On the other hand, people can broaden their horizons when they have friends who own different views. In other words, listening to other opinions can often be beneficial to improve one’s ability to understand life as well as different people. Furthermore, it can be a good opportunity to learn discussion and compromise skills. Indeed, life is often about giving one’s opinions and compromising with others. Therefore, people can leverage personal skill sets as well as extend the opportunities to meet diverse people.
To recapitulate, many people believe that interacting with people who have the same philosophy as them has more merits such as having a comfortable relationship. However, I am of the opinion that people should not underestimate the advantages of talking with people who have different opinions since that will benefit one’s personal point of view. (사실 6점대에서는 크게 중요하지 않지만, 꽤나 높은 점수를 목표로 하시니까 말씀드리자면, discuss both 에서 결론을 작성할 때에는, 그 목적이 나의 의견을 서술하는 것이 되어야 합니다. 그러나 지금과 같이 to recapitulate 등의 표현을 사용해서 글을 요약하게 될 경우 적절하지 않고요. and give your own opinion 을 고려해서, 내 의견을 작성하는데에 집중해주세요! 수고하셨습니다 :)
7.5 목표로 하고 있습니다. 새로운 표현들을 익혀도 막상 글을 쓰려면 잘 떠오르지 않네요 ㅜㅜ.. 그래도 조언해주시는 덕에 정말 많이 배우고 있습니다! 감사합니다!
총평: (7/7/7/7) 7.0
잘 써주셨습니다만, 7점을 목표로 하는 게 아니시니까 아쉬운 점수이긴 하겠죠. 결론 작성에 주의해주시고, 사실 본론, 특히 본론 첫 번째 문단은 한 줄 정도의 보충이 되면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고하셨습니다 :)
+제가 제너럴 치르신다는 정보를 듣고 task 1은 그렇게 신경 안 써도 된다고 말씀드렸는데, 지금 보니까 다시 얘기가 달라질 것 같습니다. 아직 매끄러운 편지쓰기가 완벽하게 되는 편은 아니라, 그쪽에도 조금 더 집중해주세요!