some people belive that is is good to share as much information as posssible in scientific research, business and the academic world. others believe that some informaiton is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.
discuss both these views and give your own opinion (토픽)
As a the value of academic foundings has been acknowledged by some experts in modern society, some think that it should be shared toward public. However, others belive that it is too significant to be offerd without charging any cost or hassle. I personally believe that those information should be opened for free because it is making massive people's life much better and conveinent. (서론에서 아카데믹 쪽으로 한정지어서는 안 됩니다. 논제 역시 한정짓고 있지 않기에)
To begin with, it is commonly known that a lot of researchers and scientists made collective efforts into unknown discoveries. They certainly perfomed hard work to develope the society and help make things better. If the authorities decied that they decide to provide the information or discovery that the scienties studied for a long time to the public freely, there would be no one who would try to make hardship ever again. Moreover, there are various companies and organizations that allocate resources on this these projects to make more profits. If the projects they invested are going to be shared with a majority of people, the companies would faced financial difficulties for sure.
On the other hand, knowing is the most powerful energy to live in this competitive society. Without catching up with new things and new infomation, individuals would feel abandoned from society and other people. No matter what whether a person is rich or poor or have different gender or generation, the important news should be shared with anyone. For example, there possibly are alternative medications or cure solutions for cronic diseases by discovering, however, researchers do not want to open the research results to the patients becasue they also do not want to ruin their efforts. According to the article I read about this case, the researchers are not going to share it with people but like to sell it to the medical company. Despte of the fact that by founding this precious information, a millions of people can be cured without no any more struggles.
In conculsion, although it is true that many of scientists has been devoted to society by dicovering informative news and it should be acknowleged by mass public, everyone have has the a right to know the newest and prominent information by sharing so that they can earn chances to live better life.
총평: 어차피 목표 점수가 최저는 6.0이라, 문법이나 어휘 중 하나만 흔들릴 경우 그래도 나머지 영역으로 커버쳐서 6점은 넘기실텐데, 최근들어 문법/어휘가 동시에 흔들리는 모습이 보여서...여기는 조금 주의해주셔야 할 것 같습니다. 특히 문법은 그렇다고 치더라도, 현재 파란 단어들만 적절히 수정되었다고 하면 충분히 어휘에서도 6점 이상은 받으실 수 있어서 더 아쉽네요. 이에 유의해서 수정해주세요~수고하셨습니다 :)