The main factor which contributes to decide a person’s salary is devotion, passion and hard work. The assertion that there is a considerable pay gap between male and female is not appropriate. The statistical result which seems to make unfair for female employees comes from the average years of labor and the number of working population. Social system that encourages female workers to take part in economic activity has significantly been improved, yet the proportion of economic activity for men is much higher than their counterpart.
Providing-> Provided that a man is able to work until his retirement, a woman would relatively quit her job for caring children and house work. Also, there still remain typical families concept on people’s thought-> concept that a father is supposed to work and a mother works at home. This is meant to low female population who are involved in economic activity. If you do not take it into account, it would be reconsidered that women’s salary are not guaranteed in comparison with men.-> This lowers the female population being involved in economic activity. Without this taken into account, the statistics might seem like it's showing sexual discrimination.
The pay gap is defined by a person’s ability and high-> level of performance at work. There are no countries which allow the difference legitimately. Indeed, female are provided with better working environment, such as menstrual leave-> break and so on. In addition, it is not persuasive that comparison ignoring the fact that each sex is mostly engaged in certain fields and such fields obviously have a different pay level.-> reasonable to compare while ignoring the fact that each sex tend to wrok in different fields, which obviously has different pay level. <- (this is a whole new idea. not appropriate for the support of the subthesis of body2 )
-> explain more about what you have wrote about in the first sentence. give examples that support that thesis specifically.
Social system has played as a role of striking balance – boosting to women out of house – between men and women. Now, more will be need to help women to work as long and many as possible. Furthermore, women try to challenge fields that have been the exclusive property of men, overcoming pay gap as if it seems like inequity.
-> Good level of language use and clean structure. |