Some people argue that school should no longer be necessary because children can obtain all the information from the internet so they can learn and be educated at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
These days, some people assume that school will not be necessary because students they can easily access to new informations from the Internet internet. However, I i personally disagree with this statement because I i assume there are more disadvantages than advantages.
First, school is needed not only for the education but also to help children be socialized with other people. A school School is usually called as another society to children like their family. Students can be taught the skill and ability to communicate with others, and learn how to treat a particular situations that can possibly happen while they are living in the society when they grow up. In fact, many people claim friends who are same ages influence developing their own ego as much as their family does. (여기는 어떤 의미로 적어주셨나요? 댓글 주시면 확인하고 수정해드리겠습니다.)
Moreover, the Internet tends to have false informations. Due to the fact that people can find what they want to know easily and quickly on the Internet (인터넷은 고유명사이므로 극히 예외적인 경우를 제외하고는 고유명사로 적는다고 보시면 됩니다. 그 예외까지 들어가실 필요는 없고요.) internet, there are many unverified informations, and some people believe these as truth. For instance, Wikipedia which is one of the biggest websites that many people use is not regarded as a believable source to use because it sometimes provides wrong statements. Thus, students can possibly accept these knowledges as truth.
In conclusion, Because because children can learn the skill to be socialized with people in school and risks that they can learn wrong knowledges from the Internet, I i claim that it will be needed that children should still go to shcool.
총평: (6/7/6/6) 6.5
전반적으로 크게 문제되는 부분은 없이 무난했지만, 7.0에는 표현상으로 아직 못 미치는 상황입니다. 특히, 화려한 문법이나 단어를 쓸 필요까지는 없지만, 최소한 I 등 대소문자에서 틀리지 않도록 주의해주셔야 해요. 7.0이 필요한데 i를 소문자로 쓰고 있으면 곤란합니다!
+이전에도 강조드렸고, 앞으로도 강조드리겠지만, 어휘+문법공부 꾸준히 해주셔야 합니다. 이게 정말 고된 작업인 건 알지만, 이걸 성실히 해내는 학생들이 결국 빨리 졸업해요~
수고하셨습니다 :)