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There is a disagreement regarding the issue
of whether it is better for children to start learning a foreign language at
primary school rather than secondary school. Although learning a foreign
language helps children to live in their life easily, I personally think that
it has more disadvantages more than advantages. To begin with, there are some people who
argue that students should start learning a foreign language at primary school because people can more easily absorb information about other languages at a young age learning a foreign language should study at primary school because
young children can easily absorb information about foreign languages. In addition,
most of the foreign languages contain four sections like listening, writing,
reading, and speaking (이 문장의 경우는 왜 들어가있는지 모르겠네요.). Moreover, young children can get fluent language skills
compared to other students who entered from middle schools to high schools. (이 문장의 경우는 앞에서 했던 말과 본질적으로 차이가 없습니다.) For
example, many experts have consistently stated that young children do not have
a fear of make making mistakes because they can easily ask their parents and teachers
to solve the problems. If children make a mistake, many teachers and parents
forgive their mistakes. Also, they can give detailed information to their
children. As a result, young people can learn foreign languages at primary
school rather than secondary school. However, other people say that many
students should learn foreign languages at secondary school. This is because
they get a good motivation in language learning through the test. According to
the secondary school, most secondary schools often take exams to identify
students’ abilities about learning foreign languages. Also, they can
concentrate on studying learning a new language. In other words, testing exams
helps students to develop their language skills.
In conclusion, both views have a strong
point. However, I think that it is better for children to start learning a
foreign language at secondary school more than primary school. (여기에 대해서는 총평을 확인해주세요~)
목표점수가 안정적인 6.0 에서 6.5는 받고 싶은 점수 입니다. 시험을 보면 5.5~6.0 사이로 왔다갔다 하는데 문제점이 먼지 말씀 해주시면 감사하겠습니다!!
A: 일단 이번 글은 상당수가 오프토픽이기에 아마 5.0도 어려울 것이지만, 내용을 배제하고 봤을 때 5.5~6.0 을 왔다갔다 하는 이유는 여러 가지가 있을텐데, 그중에서도 같은 표현, 내용의 반복이 큰 것 같습니다. mistake, learn 등 글 전반적으로 반복되는 표현이 상당히 많고, 이와 더불어 같은 말을 의미없이 되풀이하면서 내용을 채워가는 부분도 종종 보이기 때문에 글이 되게 단조로운 편이죠. 따라서 동의어 활용과 더불어, 했던 말을 돌려서 반복하는 것이 아닌, 짧더라도 핵심만 딱딱 전달하면서 실리를 챙길 수 있는 글쓰기가 필요합니다 :)
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