In many countries today, people in cities either live alone or in small family units, rather than in large, extended family groups. Is this a positive or negative trend?
Recently, individuals prefer to live alone and the number of family has decreased, compared with in the past. I believe that this recent trend is beneficial for everyone and will present reasons for the view.
One reason that supports my view is that female rights have grown up as more of them do not choose to get married grow up as they do not marry. This is because married women may lose their workplace due to childbirth. They require at least 12 months to be mother, although father care their baby after birth. (여기는 댓글 한번 주세요!) In Korea, there were lots cases that mothers were forced to quit their workplace for childbirth and did not obtain opportunities to go higher state in the past. To solve these problems, laws for married females have been published, which are not effective in reality. Living alone means that women have not baby and this brings about protects female right.
Other Another reason is that the elderly couple these days want to spend time in living with only two members because they feel uncomfortable when they live with many family members. If family consists of a lot of members, the senior couple should role as the highest characters and do not want to give their children burden. Therefore, today, the couples are responsible for their own life and spend time in travelling and loving each other during the remaining time.
In conclusion, I think that living alone or with less decreased family members number is crucial in these days because females can preserve their right and the elderly couple have enough time to enjoy their remaining life time.
총평: (7/7/6/6) 6.5
이번 글의 경우도 문법상 크게 문제는 없어서 다행입니다. 여기서 더 나아지면 금상첨화이지만 사실 단기간에 그러기는 쉽지 않을 것이고요.
대신 어휘의 경우 비교적 단기간에 끌어올리는 건 가능합니다. 대주제별로 모범답안들에 좋은 단어들이 많이 있으니까 얘네를 따로 정리해보시는 것도 도움됩니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)